The Vegeta Humiliation Chronicles
by Goku Girl
Summary: All of my Veggie-chan humor stories in one. **Note: The seperate arcs have *nothing* to do with each other.
1. The Career Arc (1): The Career

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or any of the characters. I just write stories about them. ENJOY!

Bulma was having a bad day, a very bad day. She had woken up to Trunks and Bra fighting over the television on what Saturday cartoons to watch when she got up to get dressed she found out there was no shampoo left, and when she went downstairs to make breakfast she found that the fridge was completely empty. Not even a crust of bread was left. She sighed. Vegeta, the midnight food bandit, had struck again. 

"Kids if you're hungry your going to have to go to ChiChi and Goku's house. We don't have any food at all." She said on her way out of the door.

"'Kay mom!" said a relieved Bra and Trunks.

"Tell your father when he gets up!"

Bulma decided she was in the mood for some fast, easy food so she went to Happy Burger. Their Waffle n Bacon Special was only $2.99. As she was entering she saw a help wanted sign in the window and decided to get an application for a certain someone. Not her 'cause she had a job, not Trunks 'cause he was the future president of Capsule Corp. and Bra was too young. But for, you guessed it, Vegeta. She quickly filled it out and gave it to the manager. For some strange reason, he approved it right away.

After she returned home she stopped in the living room.

"Vegeta, dear. Can you come here for a moment?" she asked in her sweetest voice. Nothing.

"Vegeta, I need you do something!" she said a little less nice. Still nothing.

"Vegeta, get your ass in her NOW!" she yelled. A slightly scraped up Vegeta can into the room.

"Woman, I'm training! What do you want?"

"Starting tomorrow, you're the new cashier at Happy Burger!"

"I'm WHAT, WHERE?"

"You heard me. I'm sick and tired of you devouring everything there is and using or destroying stuff. You need to pull your weight around here. YOU are getting a job. Actually you already have one. You're starting tomorrow. Here's your uniform."

"And if I don't?"

"Then you walk. Simple as that."

Vegeta looked at her and decided that she meant every word of it.

"Okay I'll do it. How many hours a day?"

"Only 6. At first. I expect you to rise up and become manager."

"Really now? How long is this going to take?"

"I don't know. Maybe, at the least, only 6 or 7 years."

"* Only * six or seven years? That's really a short amount of time!" he said sarcastically. But it was lost on Bulma.

"I know! You'll be successful in no time!"

"Whatever."

The next day at Happy Burger…

Vegeta had on his uniform, some day glo orange pants, a white polo shirt, a bright orange and yellow vertical striped vest, some white Nikes, and it was all topped off by a yellow hat with a burger on top. He was working the drive through.

"Welcome to Happy Burger." He said in a bored voice. "Home of the Happy Burger. Can I take your order?"

"Yes." Said a familiar voice. "I want 25 Happy Burgers, 4 large Happy Fries, and a super large Happy Shake."

"That'll be $60.45. Please advance to the next window."

A green car drove up to the window and he saw that the occupant was none other than…. Kakarott!

"What are you doing here?!"

"Oh, hullo Vegeta! Nice outfit you have there! Well, nice if you get lost in a cave!" he snickered.

"Here! Just take your food and go! Tell no one I was here, you got it! Or, or…"

"Or what? You know you can't hurt me."

"Here just take $100 dollars for your silence!"

"Cool. Thanks! My lips are sealed."

"Fine. Now leave!"

1 hour later….

"Goten, I've always wanted to try this place. I heard it was good." Trunks and Goten walks up to the counter.

"Um, can we have 20 Happy Happy Combo Meals and add extra Happy please!"

"Trunks, what is the extra happy?"

"I dunno, but it was only 25 cents extra!"

As they were waiting for their food, Goten saw some weird hair.

"Trunks! That man has hair like your father!"

Trunks took a closer look.

"Y'know what? That's is my dad! Quick duck out of sight, If he sees us here, he'll kill us!" 

They duck low behind the counter.

"Sirs, where are you? Your food is ready. The total comes to, $45.00."

"Just drop 'em here on the floor." The cashier looked perplexed. "JUST DO IT!"

"Trunks, calm down. You sound like you're in a Nike commercial!" Goten exclaimed. They grab the bags and rush out.

"Whew. That was too close."

Another hour later, this time at Master Roshi's Island…

"I'm telling you, my father is working at Happy Burger!"

"Yeah and Yajirobe is anorexic!" scoffed Krillin. Everyone laughed.

"I can prove it to you! Come with me." So Krillin, Trunks, Gohan, Goten, Piccolo, Tien, Choutzu, and Yamcha flew to the restaurant. Yajirobe, Oolong, Puar, and Master Roshi came along later in Yajirobe's aircar.

About 30 mins later when everyone arrived…

"Okay, this is how we're going to do it. We have to go in shifts so he won't notice us. Krillin and Gohan, Piccolo and Tien, Yamcha and Puar, Master Roshi and Choutzu, and Yajirobe and Oolong." Trunks said.

"Forget this! I'm just going up there." Shouted Yajirobe.

"Yeah!" said every except Goten and Trunks. These two, knowing a drastic mistake when they see one, ran out Happy Burger and flew to the Capsule Corp.

Back at Happy Burger…

The large crowd marched up to the counter. Vegeta is now working it 'cause they switched him after he cussed out the 10th person in the drive through He looked up, right into the fat face of Yajirobe.

"WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING HERE? I'M GOING TO KILL KAKAROT!"

"Why Goku? He had nothing to do with this! Trunks told us…. Oops!" said Master Roshi.

"What did my son tell you old man?" Vegeta yelled a fist in his face.

'He told us you were working here and when we didn't believe him he offered to show us. He came in here earlier, but made sure you didn't see him or detect his or Goten's ki." He said in a rush.

"GET OUT NOW! OR I'LL MAKE YOU GET OUT IN A VERY UNPLEASANT WAY!"

"Fine, fine we're going." Said Krillin. As they walked to the door he turned around.

"Oh and Vegeta?"

"WHAT?"

"NICE OUTFIT!" he shouted. They all started laughing hysterically and ran as Vegeta growled fiercely and vaulted over the counter and chased them.

THE END or is it?


	2. The Career Arc (6): Another Day, Another...

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or any of the characters. Just wrote a story about them.

This is the sequel to The Career. So read that story first! Oh, and Trunks is 8 and Goten is 7.

It's a couple of days later at the Capsule Corp. Bulma and Vegeta are sitting in the kitchen and Vegeta has his hands over his ears.

"You destroyed the restaurant trying to kill Krillin! I'm not made out of money you know!" screamed an enraged Bulma.

"Woman, will you stop screaming in my ear?!" Vegeta shouted back.

""You deserve it! You're going to get another job to help around here! You are going down to the employment office RIGHT NOW!"

"What?? Come on!"

"NOW VEGETA OR YOU'LL BE STAYING AT THE MOTEL 6!!"

Vegeta decided that there was no arguing with her when she was like that so he went downtown to get a job. There was a fat, bald middle age man sitting behind a desk.

"What are you here for?" he asked.

Vegeta looked at him like he was stupid. "A job you baka, what else would I be here for?"

"Well, we only have two openings left. Bus driver and entertainment provider. Take your pick. Nobody wanted them. I wonder why?"

Vegeta thought about all of those screaming little brats on a bus and quickly made up his mind. "I can handle anything but that so the other is fine." He told him.

"Here you go." He hands him a card. "The address is on here…"

Vegeta flew to his destination and arrived there about 5 minutes later. "Hmmm, Panda Palace. What a weird name." He walked inside. "OMIGOD!" A huge blast of noise hit him dead on as soon as he opened the door. There are kids running wild everywhere, playing video games, or throwing food. "I wonder what I would do here?" He walked towards the back where he spotted an office. He looked inside. "IS ANYBODY HERE?"

A woman turned from her computer. "Yes, what can I do for you?"

"I came…" he started, but was rudely interrupted by a loud, angry, short woman who barged in screaming.

"I can't take it anymore! These children are horrid! I quit!" She threw a large, brown bag on her desk and quickly walks out.

The woman at the desk sighed. "That's the 5th one this month." She suddenly remembers Vegeta is here. "What did you want again?"

"I came here for a job"

She looked at him and you could probably see the gears turning in her head. "Just about the right size. Yes, yes, you'll do nicely." She said more to her self than the other in the room. "You're hired! Here's what you have to do…."

About 20 minutes later, Vegeta is irritated and complaining profusely.

"This sucks!" He looks around. "I'm hot, I have a headache, and my feet hurt! This had better be worth it!"

Two kids suddenly come up to him and a little boy spoke up. "Look, look! It's Mister Panda!" A little girl said something too. "I don't like him!" And she kicked the Panda in the kneecap.

"You little brat!" Vegeta growled. He lunged for her and lifts her up so that she's eye level. He formed a ki blast in his hand really about to send her to another dimension. The little girl is screaming for her mother and all talking has ceased during this little display.

A familiar voice called out. "Stop right there, Vegeta! Put that girl down!"

Vegeta turned at the sound. His eyes widened and he dropped her on her backside in his surprise. "Not now! It seems that every place I go, he comes too! Damn."

Goku spoke again. "I'm sure glad that me, Gohan, and Goten decided to come today. You have to learn to control your temper!"

It looked like Vegeta took those 6 feet that separated him and Goku in two steps. The next thing Goku knew, Vegeta had his collar in his right, panda fist.

"Listen and listen good 'cause I know your brain might be too small to comprehend this. Tell no one of this, got it?" Goku nods his head. "No one can know I'm the Panda at Panda Palace." He let him go.

"I got it Vegeta. Gosh, you didn't have to be so forceful about it!" He turned to Goten. "You go play. Gohan, watch out for him. I'm going to order our food." They nod and run away. Goku just remembered something. Bulma was bringing Trunks here today too! "Well I'm not about to tell * him * that." Goku thought as he walked away. "I just hope they miss each other all together."

A little while later, Goku had ordered and was currently into a game of Whack the Panda. Bulma and Trunks decide to show up.

"Wow, there's the panda! I love him!" Trunks runs up and attaches himself to Vegeta's right leg.

Vegeta looked down. "Oh, Kami! Not the brat, not the brat!"

"Hiya Panda-san. I love you, ya know that?" Vegeta shook his leg trying to get Trunks off. He decides to play along. "Hi little boy! How are you today?" he asked in a goofy, cartoonie voice.

"Hey, do I know you? You sound awfully familiar." Bulma asked as she came up to them. Vegeta froze. "Uh, no. I don't believe you do." Bulma turned to Trunks. "Go find Goten and play, okay?" He runs off. "Veggie-chan, I didn't know you worked here!" "Who's that? I don't know who your talking about!" Bulma narrowed her eyes. "Don't play dumb. I know it's you." "Fine you got me. Is there something you wanted? I got a show in five minutes." Bulma looked at him in shock. "Did you just say show?" "Are you deaf as well as ugly? Of course I said show!" H glanced at the clock. "I have to go. Feel free to watch." He left and Bulma decided to do just that. This was too good to miss.

After she found Goku, and told him what she wanted him to do. She sat down in the party/eating area. Soon after, some music started and the panda/Vegeta came out doing a really stupid dance. Flashes were going off from the various people taking pictures of him and their kids. Goku just happened to be one of those people. After Vegeta had sung happy birthday to a couple of children, they all lined up behind him for a Simon Says kind of dance. Goku was snapping pictures like crazy when Vegeta finally spotted him.

"KAKAROTT!"

"Uh, oh." Goku gulped.

"GIVE ME THE CAMERA!"

"No! I paid too much for you to destroy it with a ki blast!"

"GIVE IT TO ME!"

"I said NO!" They had started a tug-of-war over it when Goku blindly threw it hoping Bulma would catch it and she did. She hurried and ran out before Vegeta could see her to get the pictures developed. 

Vegeta had taken off the panda head so he could fight better and the suit soon came off too. Bad thing was, he didn't have on anything but a pair of boxer shorts with hearts and cupids all over them.

"Dad?!" Trunks saw what Vegeta had on and quickly corrected himself

. "I don't know you!" He grabbed Goten by the arm and they ran out. While Trunks was disowning his father, Goku had pulled out a smaller camera and had taken about 10 pictures of Vegeta almost naked and had handed it to Goten on his way out.

"Catch up with Bulma and develop them!" he called to him before Vegeta knew what was going on. Then he had to block as Vegeta's fist came at his face.

Later on after the big brawl at Panda Palace that lasted about 10 hours, Vegeta dragged his weary self home. His underwear had gotten torn to shreds somewhere along the way. So it was safe to say that he was butt naked. As he entered the living room, he stopped.

"SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" everyone yelled as he came in. Then they saw him fully. ChiChi shrieked and looked away and so did many other people. (Goku had just teleported there looking about the same as when Vegeta first saw him earlier that day.) 

"Vegeta, go upstairs and put some clothes on!" Bulma yelled. Vegeta was too tired to argue. As he was going up the stairs though, Goku thought he has to take just a couple more pictures.

"KAKAROTT!" The city heard him yell.

THE END


	3. The Career Arc (2): Vegeta the Bus Drivi...

Disclaimer: Veggie-chan isn't mine, but that doesn't mean I can't wish.

Note: I'd advise you to read The Career and Another Day, Another Job first. And you should also read Vegeta and the DMV as well as Vegeta: Death Driver.

* * *

Vegeta: The Bus Drivin' Man

Around the time Bra was 7 and after Vegeta bombed at yet another job, Bulma was on his case constantly.

"Vegeta, you're getting another job if I have to drag you down to the unemployment agency myself!"

After a while -- actually after he started to hear her when she wasn't even around -- he decided that it was time to again try his hand at manual labor.

"Yes, may I help you?" The lady at the unemployment office asked. "Oh. It's you."

"Listen, I need a job so my baka of a wife won't bother me anymore."

"Skills?"

Vegeta thought hard. He knew that purging planets of their lifeforms wasn't considered a useful skill so he shook his head.

"Well, the only job I have available is the bus driver one from before. I trust you _do_ know how to drive?"

"Of course I do! Who doesn't?"

"Fine." She reached into a file cabinet and handed him the information. "It's at Satan City Elementary school. You have route 3a. Starting tomorrow. Go down to the school to get your uniform."

"Fine." Vegeta rose, went outside, and flew to the school.

The next day, he was all dressed in his uniform as he pulled up to the first stop. A whole crowd of children got on; after looking at him weirdly of course. Who wouldn't? Vegeta had on a black jacket, black shiny shoes, white dress shirt, the hat was sitting high on top of his hair, and he could barely see over the steering wheel.

He picked up all of the kids from all of his stops and decided it was time for his "rules".

"First off. My name is Prince Vegeta and you will call me Prince Vegeta. Now we will go over the rules: 1. No talking unless you are spoken to by me. 2. No eating, drinking, or chewing gum. 3. No throwing things. 4. If you even breath loudly you'll be sent to hell. 5. The most important; DO NOT TALK TO THE BUS DRIVER! Doing so will result in a one-way trip to hell. 6. You stand at your own risk. If you do and end up flying through a window, you can't say that I didn't warn you. DO ALL OF YOU BRATS HAVE THAT?"

Silence.

"I said DO ALL OF YOU BRATS HAVE THAT?!"

"Hai Prince Vegeta!" They chorused.

"Good." Vegeta smirked and pressed his foot down on the accelerator. The kids were thrown back into the seats and Vegeta leaned forward in concentration, taking corners on two wheels.

When they finally reached the school, the kids stood to exit the bus.

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT YOU COULD LEAVE, DID I?"

"But Prince Vegeta," One stupid little boy began. 

Vegeta's smirk grew wider as he charged up a ki blast. "NO TALKING!" He pointed his finger at him and soon as that was left of the boy was a few scraps of cloth and his shoes. "Anyone else want to die?" All the kids shook their heads no, fearfully. "Good. You may go now." The children took off for the school.

Later that day, on the afternoon run, all of the kids were scared for their lives, but they didn't make plans to get rides home that morning so they had no choice but to ride -- as they nicknamed it -- the bus of infinite doom.

"Konichi-wa gaki!" Vegeta put on his best fake smile as the children borded the bus.

"Konichi-wa Vegeta-ouji," They quietly muttered as they started to sit down. But before they could, Vegeta's foot came in contact with the accelerator. They went zooming throught Satan City, dodging cars and the like. Several children started to write things in marker on blanks sheets of paper and put them to the windows. Messages like: 'Please save us!' and 'We're too young to die!'

This sort of thing went on for about a week. As it did, some kids got smart and wore protective gear. Knee and elbow pads, chest protectors, bicycle helmets, etc. Until Vegeta banned that too of course.

Frequent accidents were also added to the list. Forty car pile-ups were a regular occurance. Then came the day that Vegeta decided to take the freeway...

It was Friday afternoon and traffic was backed up for miles. Everyone inside the bus was sweltering because Prince Vegeta would not let them put up a window, but yet he had a mini fan on by his head. One little girl raised her hand, Vegeta gave her permission to speak.

"Vegeta-ouji, we're so hot and bored. Can you please allow us some fresh air and let us play a game or two?"

Vegeta pretended to think it over. "Nope."

"Pretty please?"

Vegeta stared at her and found himself softening against his will. _She looks so much like Bra and she can give me the puppy dog look just like Bra._ "Alright. But only this one time. There are only two games you can play: tic tac toe and hangman. Since they involve paper and are relatively quiet. How about you do your homework or something?"

"Arigatou Vegeta-ouji!" The children chorused. They took out pencils, paper, and stuff just when the traffic began to move again.

You wouldn't think that a bus could move so fast or that it could squeeze between cars like that, but this one did.

Silence was not heard of as the kids began to wail and cry and scream that they were going to die.

"SHUT UP OR YOU _WILL_ DIE!"

They didn't. Inanimate objects also flew around the area. Each hitting Vegeta in his head until he couldn't take it anymore. He slammed on the brakes -- kids were hitting the seats in front of them right and left --, skidded until he blocked traffic _both _ways (it's a two lane hi-way), jumped up from his seat, and went super saiyan.

"LISTEN UP! IF YOU BRATS ANNOY ME ONE MORE TIME, IT WILL BE YOUR LAST! GOT THAT?!"

"Hai Vegeta-ouji!"

"GOOD." He powered down, sat back in his seat, and manuvered the the bus onto the right lane, and the bus trip from hell continued."

***

Miraculously Bulma never heard about this until the school called Saturday morning.

Bra answered it. "Moshi moshi. Capsule Corporation, Bra speaking, how may I help you?" She listened with a weird look on her face. "Papa did all that?! Okay lady, I'll tell my Kaasan. Sayonara." She hung up the phone. "Oooh, Papa's gonna get it!"

Bra ran directly to her parents bedroom and without knocking on the door she entered and jumped onto the bed. "Papa's gonna get it! Papa's gonna get it!" Surprisingly, Vegeta still slept through this.

"What are you doing Bra-chan?" Bulma drowsily asked her.

"Kaasan! Papa did bad at work last week."

"Nani? How do you know?"

"The school called. The lady on the phone said that the kids now need the--thera--" she stumbled over the unfamiliar word.

"Therapy?"

"Hai. That's it. Therapy! She said that he scared them and he said he was gonna kill them."

"NANI?! Vegeta! Get up, NOW!" Bulma put her feet to his back and shoved, hard.

"Onna!" He muttered a few curses and stood. "What in hell did you do that for?"

"Vegeta, stop cursing! Little ears are listening!" she stood, hands on hips. "Bra-chan said that the school called this morning. What on Chikyuu did you do to those poor children?!" Bra nodded and looked eagerly to her Tousan for his reaction. 

Vegeta opened his mouth to respond, then thought better of it. "Bra, leave."

"Aw, do I have to?"

Bulma nodded. "This may get ugly."

Bra nodded. In other words, her tousan was going to get a major tongue lashing. She left the room, but still remained on the outside of the door. Trunks saw her and came over.

"What's going on Bra?" he asked rather loudly.

"Shhh!" She put her index finger over her lips and motioned to the door. Trunks nodded in understanding and croutched beside her.

"I can't believe you _threatened_ those kids! How could you?! You probably scared them for life!"

"Not so Bulma. They needed a little discipline."

"All I can say is their parents better not sue us for the payment of therapy."

"They won't. As long as I have anything to say about it."

Bulma glared at him. "NO KILLING!"

"Can't promise you that."

She growled and threw the closest thing at him, the lamp. He caught it with ease and set it on the floor.

"I was just kidding."

Bulma sighed. "Why don't I believe you?"

Bra and Trunks exchanged glances. This was a more interesting fight.

***

Vegeta continued to terrorize the student population until the children got an idea...

Vegeta was driving them to school when he noticed that those brats were just staring at him, unblinking. Every time he looked in the mirror at them, they were still staring. _What the hell are they on?_ he asked himself. This was enough to unerve even the most powerful warrior. 

After the fifth day of the stare treatment, he marched into the principal's office and resigned. "Those children aren't normal. I can't drive those little brats anymore!" The principal could only guess at what happened to them. Since she needed a driver, bad, she talked him into staying if she switched his route.

Vegeta was on his new route, 1b, and coincidentally, it went by the Capsule Corporation and his own daughter rode that bus. Instead of the stare treatment, he got something much worse. Endless questions.

"Papa, why are you driving this route? Papa, why do your pants fit so tight? Papa, what's the meaning of life?" And so on and so on.

The other kids picked up on this and started to bombard him with questions as well. "Vegeta-san, what's up with your hair? Vegeta-san, why are you so short?"

He couldn't kill any of them because he knew Bra would tell Bulma on him without a second thought so he suffered in silence.

* * *

I know this wasn't as funny as my other stories, but I really had an urge to write something. Please review this!

onna = woman   
gaki = kids


	4. The Career Arc (3): Saiyans in Space

Disclaimer: The usual.

Note: Since many people seem to love this sort of fic, I've decided to make many, many more! And sooner too. Enjoy! =) Oh and read The Career, Another Day, Another Job, & Vegeta: The Bus Drivin' Man before this!

Note #2: I'm trying something new with this one. And there will be at least two more after this.

* * *

Saiyans in Space

A man comes out to a podium at what looks like a press conference. "On this day, in this month, of this year {'cuz I don't really know... ::sweatdrop::}, the citizens of Chikyuu have made startling advances in the space sciences and one man, er saiyan started it all..."

* * *

~FLASHBACK~

"ONNA! What in flaming hell do you want me to do now?!" Vegeta yelled to his wife at the kitchen table that morning. Bra and Trunks shook their heads. Not again.

"Yeah!" Trunks chimed in. "Haven't you learned your lesson yet?" Bulma glared him into silence.

"Why don't you try something you would actually like this time? Here's the want ads." She tossed the paper over to him and he caught it easily.

"Do I have to?" he almost whined.

"You know the penalty if you don't." He sure did and he knew she would do it to. He still couldn't believe that she would actually hide his pocky! He just loved the chocolate kind.

"Fine." Vegeta grumbled as he scanned the paper. _Lawn mower? No. Professional lap dancer?! Hell no! Clown college? Tempting but no. Astronaut? Hmm..._

"I've found one!" He announced.

"Good!" Bulma beamed. "Veggie-chan, please don't mess this one up."

"I'll try." He stood to go get into his black convertable. Bulma berated him severly about the last time he flew in the city.

Bulma kissed him on the cheek. "Ai shiteru." Trunks pretended to gag at the unusual display of affection.

Vegeta merely nodded as he left the Capsule Corp.

***

He drove to the Institute of All Space Things in Central Capital, pondering all the way. _Don't know what an astronaut is, but I guess I'm willing to try it out._ He sort of thought it had something to do with the green, grass-like stuff that he had seen on one of his favorite shows, The Brady Bunch.

"Yes, can I help you?" Asked a bored secretary at the front desk.

"I want to be an astronaut, woman!"

"Fine." She handed him several forms. "Fill these out and give them back to me. You will then proceed to the next step."

Vegeta took them, the clip board, and the pen, and moved to a chair. _Name? Okay, that's easy._ Naturally he scrawled Vegeta, Prince of the Saiyan Planet of Vegeta in his weirdly neat handwriting. _Age? Wouldn't they like to know. _And that was exactly what he put. _Birthday? When __**is**__ my birthday exactly? Father never told me._ So for that one he just said 'yes'. _Level of education completed? And 'degree required' is marked in bold, red letters?! K'so! Okay, for this one I'll fib a little. It's isn't like I'm a first timer._ So he decided to put degree in nuclear physics (it was the only one he knew of) and add 'doctorate' for good measure. He finished the rest of that form and the others without too many problems.

He gave it to the woman who had now started filing her nails.

"Okay." She scanned it briefly. And one thing caught her eye. "You're allergic to 'Kakarott's stupidity'?"

Vegeta shrugged. "I think it's contagious and that question was too stupid to even have on there."

She sweatdropped. "Okay... You may go to that room over there." She pointed to a door that simply said 'Testing Lab'.

"Fine." Vegeta knocked and after a short wait he disappeared through the door.

***

"Why hello! You're in need of the standard eye and hearing exam right?"

"I guess. Why does the door say testing lab?"

"Because I am also the head scientist for that. We're lowly funded." He motioned to a chair in the center of the room. "Sit here."

Vegeta complied and he began to look him over. "You're completely healthy." He pulled something from his pocket. "Here, have a tootsie roll pop." Vegeta glared at it a second before he snatched it. The doctor wrote something on another form and handed it to him. "All you have to do now is take this back to the secretary and you're all set. We'll call you if we need you. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get the job."

***

It was several days later before they called. He was sitting in the living room, watching tv, and eating his precious pocky.

"Moshi moshi? Oh, it's you. You need me to come there today?" He looked longingly at the tv. He would miss Gilligan's Island! Then he sighed. "All right. I'm on my way."

***

"Here, put on this space suit. We need you to assist with repairs on a space satellite and since you have a degree, you should know how to do it."

"Uh hai."

"Good." The scientist shoved a suit at Vegeta and directed him toward a dressing room.

"Could you get one my size?" Vegeta's voice drifted to him moments later. He emerged looking ridiculous. He was fine as long as he didn't have to walk. _That_ caused disasterous results.

After that problem was taken care of, Vegeta was all set to go.

"It should take no less than an hour at your expertise. I really hate having to do things like this, but all of the good space exploration is reserved for big shots like NASA."

"As long as I get paid."

The scientist nodded even as he sweatdropped. "Sure, sure. Now go fix it!" Vegeta glared at him. "Please?"

***

_One small step for me, one giant leap for saiyan kind!_ Vegeta tried his best at the repairs, but all he suceeded in doing was get extremely frustrated where he proceeded to 'beat the crap' out of the offending object.

"K'so! Piece of worthless junk!" he kicked it again. "Were you made by the Capsule Corp.? Bulma in particular?"

"Talking to machinery is one of the first signs that you're not 'all there' you know." A woman they called Minna said to him.

"Did I ask you?" Vegeta growled. "Don't think so!"

"Well excuse me!" She huffed as she walked by him. "By the way, I'm not as stupid as those others so I know you've never seen the inside of a college before. You better not push me." She continued on her way.

"Damn!"

***

After he blew up the satellite and made it back home, Bulma was there waiting for him at the backdoor.

"What's this I hear about you insulting my work?"

"Nani? Whatever do you mean?" he asked innocently.

"A woman named Minna called. You should no better than to do that! You know I _will_ find out!"

Vegeta started to mumble curses as Bulma continued to talk. "Now, you can go be with your gravity chamber, because you aren't sleeping in here!" She shoved a pillow and a blanket at him and slammed the door in his face.

"Damn, damn, DAMN!"

~END FLASHBACK~

* * *

The man looked around. "Okay, so he didn't advance the sciences. He didn't do much of anything at all!"

The crowd laughed a bit at this.

A beam of light sliced through the air and into the man's heart. As he was dying, Vegeta came over and began to speak. "I guess a promise of life wasn't good enough for him."

**~OWARI~**

* * *

Don't worry, there's more.

Definitions for those who didn't know

Pocky - A really good japanese snack food. It comes in a variety of flavors from chocolate to strawberry to chocolate almond. You can buy it online at japanesesnacks.com.

Ai shiteru - I love you.

K'so (same as kuso and chikuso) - shit


	5. The Career Arc (4): Vegeta in College: L...

Disclaimer: Standard ones apply. =)

Note: Yep. This is the sequel to Saiyans in Space. I would advise you to read the rest of the Career Arc. (Soon to be included into the 'Vegeta Humilation Chronicles' that currently has 11 stories excluding this one.)   
1. The Career  
2. Another Day, Another Job  
3. Vegeta the Bus Drivin' Man  
4. Saiyans in Space

There's one sad part (but it really fits the moment!) and there _will _be another one after this.J

( ) = Translated words. The ones I don't commonly use. There may be more of my comments in them as well.

* * *

Vegeta in College: Let the Comedy Begin!

Bulma was at her wits end. Every single career that he's pursued as went up in flames! Resturant worker, childrens entertainer, bus driver, and astronaut... There weren't many more to try. Unless...

"Vegeta! Wakey wakey!" Bulma tried to keep a positive outlook on the day because she knew it would be long and hard. But unless this short saiyan went along with it, it would be _very_ trying.

"But I don' wanna get up! 5 more minutes daddy..." Vegeta mumbled as he snorted, drooled some more, and rolled over.

Bulma got onto the bed and pushed him with all of her might. Slowly, inch-by-inch, he moved toward the edge of the king sized bed until finally, her objective was reached.

Vegeta plummeted, cursing violently, directly onto his face. Five seconds later he had jumped to his feet and he and Bulma got engaged in a glaring contest.

"WOMAN!" Vegeta roared. "What in flaming hell did you do that for?!"

Bulma glared more angirly and shouted just as loud. "YOU SHORT, PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A SAIYAN!" Screw her idea, this was the last straw!

"Na-nani?" Vegeta stuttered.

"Sure, you try at jobs, but do you ever keep them?" Vegeta opened his mouth and Bulma slammed his jaw up with her open palm. Since he was so shocked, he let her. "NO! Do you ever try to keep them instead of always doing things wrong?" Vegeta opened his mouth to speak again and Bulma repeated the earlier process. "NO! And until you figure out just how to do that, I refuse to figure out how to cook for you, how to fix things for you, how to provide living arrangements for you, and of course, how to PLEASURE YOU!"

"Now Bulma," Vegeta said trying to placate her, "I can just work harder and--"

"NO WAY! You're starting to sound like Yamcha so SHUT UP!" That worked like a charm. "So take your clothes, your few possessions and GET THE HELL OUT!!"

Bulma stomped around the room gathering up his stuff and shoved it into his arms. Then she pointed at the door, one hand on her hip.

Vegeta looked at her one last time and slowly left his home of so many years.

"Hey Papa! Where ya going?" Bra asked from the front yard.

"Somewhere far away."

"Oh. Can I come to visit you?"

Vegeta looked at her daughter one last time. "Iie. You can't. I don't think your Kaasan would want you to be around me. It's best that you stay here." Bra nodded tearfully and hugged him one last time.

"Sayonara Tousan."

Vegeta rose into the air, still carrying his things, and flew off towards the west.

_Maybe,_ he thought, _I can get a job in the United States..._

***

Bulma instantly regretted what she had done, but there was no other way.

_Maybe I can go talk to ChiChi, she usually has good advice..._

25 minutes later...

"NANI?! That's a stupid idea!"

"You're the one who came to me!" ChiChi stood leaning over her kitchen table, yelling in Bulmas face.

"But you can do better! 'Kick him out for good, he wasn't worth anything anyway' is _not_ a good idea! I knew I shouldn't have asked you, you never liked him anyway!"

"That;s right! He tried to kill my Goku and my Gohan!"

"Boy do you hold grudges... that was over 20 years ago!"

"Bulma, ChiChi, nani desu ka?" (What's the matter? I think that's right... ^_~ Feel free to correct me because I can't remember.) Goku asked as he walked into the room and took a seat at the table. Bulma explained the problem and Goku frowned.

"Vegeta is Vegeta," Goku said simply.

Bulma and ChiChi stared at him confusedly.

He continued. "Vegeta is just not able to be a normal Chikyuu citizen. I don't think he will ever keep a job."

"And what about you?" Bulma asked. "What's your excuse?"

"Uh me?" Goku laughed nervously. "I-- hey! I have a job!! Savior of the Universe remember?"

ChiChi and Bulma groaned and sweatdropped.

"That's not what I-- nevermind."

"If you want, I can check up on him for you."

"Would you? Thanks Son-kun!" Bulma jumped up and hugged him. "I've got to go and relieve Trunks of babysitting duty. Ja ne!"

***

"Stupid woman, kicking me out of the house. Who does she think she is? I'm the Prince of the Saiyans!" Vegeta muttered under his breath as he flew along the Californian coast. "What can I do to find-- AH!"

"Ohayo Vegeta!" Goku said cheerfully, smiling brightly. Looking at the digital watch on his wrist, he nodded in ascention. "How ya doing?"

"KAKAROTT! What have I told you about doing that?!"

"Not to. But anyway," Vegeta groaned. "where ya headed?"

"I don't know."

"How about I help you?"

"Iie!"

Goku pouted. "Why not?"

"Because I said so!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Pretty please?"

"NO!"

"I'll let you win when we spar again..." Goku pouted even more.

Vegeta tried to ignore him. Ever since Bra had been born, pouts always worked on him and the thing about sparring didn't help one bit. Vegeta tempted a glance back at his simple minded "friend". Something he shouldn't have done. Vegeta sighed deeply and nodded.

"SUGOI!" Goku shouted. "What are we doing again?"

Vegeta began to massage him temples. This was going to be a long trip.

***

"Infinity bottles of soda on the wall, infinity bottles of soda! Take one down, pass it around, infinity bottles of soda on the wall! Infinity bottles of soda on the wall, infinity bottles of soda...."

"STOP!! Please stop!" Vegeta shouted, developing a migraine. They were now over the Iowa somewhere. Fields, fields, and more fields. Maybe an occasional house of cow or two. Not very interesting. "You have INFINITY bottles of soda! There will ALWAYS BE INFINITY BOTTLES OF SODA!!!" The bad thing about it is, he was the one suggested he sing. Anything to stop the endless stream of questions. "Sing something else." he told Goku calmly.

Goku thought for a moment. Then he face brightened as he thought of one. "This is the song that doesn't end! Yes it goes on and on my friends!"

"NOOOOOO!"

***

The songs had finally stopped about an hour ago. They were now in New York City, walking down 5th Avenue, looking for an apartment for Vegeta to temporarily stay in. Then Vegeta realized that he was broke.

"Kakarott," he gritted his teeth, not wanting to ask him. "Can I borrow some cash to exchange to American dollars?"

"Sure! I'll loan you some!" Vegeta smirked. "If I had it..."

"BAKA YARO!" Vegeta shouted, smacking him in the back of his head. Some people stared at him. "What? You never seen a Japanese idiot before?"

"Vegeta!" Goku whined. "That hurt!"

"Hmph." They continued walking southwest.

"Look, there's a park. Why don't we stay there until we figure out something?"

"Good idea." _Did I just say that? This situation must be getting to me..._

***

"So, we know that you need some sort of job before Bulma allows you back..."

"DUH! Where has your brain been for the past 20 minutes?!" He paused. "Wait, don't answer that. I already know."

But Goku did anyway. "In my head!"

Vegeta facevaulted. _I've sunk so low...._

"How about you go to college first? Gohan did and now he's a nuerosurgeon! Whatever that is..."

"Baka! It's a doctor that operates on peoples nervous system."

"Honto? (Really?) If you knew that, you could get a scholarship!" He continued when Vegeta look lost. "It's free money that they give out to people who can't afford to pay. Gohan had to get one."

"But that boy is a genius!"

"I know!"

Vegeta facevaulted again.

***

"Are you handicapped, homosexual, or a minority?" The man behind the counter at the financial aid office at Columbia University.

"Handicapped? Does it _look_ like I'm handicapped?" Vegeta asked.

"I'll take that as a 'no'. Are you homosexual?"

Vegeta looked at Goku, then back at the man. "HELL NO!"

"Fine." He yawned. "Are you a minority?"

"Mainoriti nani ato?" (Again, not sure because my sentence structure may be wrong.)

The man blinked and looked at him blankly.

"He said, 'what's a minority'." Goku spoke up.

"Oh! Why didn't you say so? If you can't speak much English, there might be a problem..."

"I can speak it just fine!" Vegeta snapped.

"Well continue to do so." Vegetas infamous vein throbbed. "Anyway, a minority is someone of a race or ethnicity that is the smallest percentage in a country."

"Oh. Then hai. Yes," he corrected himself. "Sorry, habit."

"That's perfectly fine. We can all stand to learn a new language or two. What ethnic group do you belong to?"

Goku blinked. "You can't tell?" he asked.

"Are you Chinese?" Vegeta shook his head no. "French?" Again no. "African?"

"Does it look like I'm black?! I'M _JAPANESE_ YOU IDIOT!"

"Actually Vegeta, there _are_ white people in Africa." Goku informed him.

"Thank you Mr. Geography Book," Vegeta said, his voice full of sarcasm.

"Why you're welcome!" Goku beamed.

Vegeta just shook his head. "Since I'm Japanese, how much can I get?"

"You'll have to fill out this form. Then I'll see what I can do." Vegeta took the clipboard and the pen and took a seat on a hard plastic chair.

"Kakarott, why don't you go somewhere else?"

Goku shrugged and left. Only Kami knows where he went.

***

An hour later the form was complete. He handed to the guy.

"Your full name is 'Prince Vegeta-sama from the Planet Vegeta'?"

"Yeah. So?"

"No reason. But there is a problem..."

"What?"

"Please do it over again. In English this time."

***

Another hour later...

"I am done. Do NOT tell me to do it over!"

"Vegeta..."

"NANI?!"

The man recoiled. "I just wanted to say you have very nice handwriting."

"Oh. Thanks."

"Veggie-chan, I'm back!"

"Don't call me-- what in the world?!"

Goku came into view fully decked out in a Nicks cap, sunglasses, an '**I ****Y****New York!**' tee-shirt, blue jeans, and various souvenirs. He was also carrying two ice cream cones. "Here, I brought you one. It's your favorite!"

Vegeta took his double scoop of chocolate. "Thanks. I owe you."

Goku shook his head. "Hey, what are friends for?"

Vegeta started to rapidly blink. "Thanks," he said in a slightly choked-up voice. "Excuse me, I've got something in my eye..."

Goku smiled knowingly. "Ah," he said simply.

"I've looked over your application," the man cut in, "and I don't see why you can't recieve a full scholarship. Lucky for you we've got lots of extra money. You can start this week if you want."

Goku leaned closer to his friend. "Vegeta," he whispered, "Bulma is rich! How in the world did you get that?"

Vegeta smirked. "It's easy! Alter a little here, embelish a little there. Anyone can do it."

Goku shook his head. "It's wrong, but I won't say anything just this once."

"Why, that's wonderful of you!" Vegeta said sarcastically.

Goku frowned. "Vegeta, was is it with you and sarcasm?"

***

"I'm going back home to Japan, okay? ChiChi's probally worrying by now..."

"Fine. I can stay without you. I'm a big boy now!"

Goku laughed. "An actual attempt at humor from Vegeta! What a rare thing!"

"Shut up," the short one muttered.

"See you on the weekend!" Goku put two fingers to his head, concentrated, and disappeared.

"Stupid Kakarott," Vegeta grumbled as he walked across campus to his 4:00pm Life Studies class. He made it there two minutes before it began.

"Hey! Watch it Old Man!" A twenty year-old man snarled to Vegeta.

"Old Man? You're calling me an OLD MAN?!" Vegeta growled, powering up slightly. The boy saw the aura and started to back away.

"Sorry! My mistake! Just don't kill me!" Then he ran.

"That's right. You better run!" Vegeta found a seat in the back row and slumped down into it.

"Good morning class," the teacher said as she stepped into the room, "today we will be debating the pros and cons of the death penalty..."

_Arguing? That may be interesting..._

***

"Wow! That was intense." Vegeta stopped in the middle of the walkway as he was struck with a thought. "I know what I can master in! Law school looks good. You make a lot of money, you're generally respected..."

He continued along his way to the dorms, immersed in his thoughts.

***

_I wonder where Veggie-chan is now..._ Bulma sighed as she typed on her laptop. _Son-kun wouldn't tell me. All he said was 'you'll see' He writes occassional letters, but with no return address or mail stamp._ She sighed again, stood, and walked to the balcony. "Oh Veggie-chan," she said softly, "where are you?"

***

The days turned into weeks and from there into months and finally years until graduation day came.

The door to the auditorium opened and ChiChi, Bulma, Goku, Trunks, Goten, Bra, Gohan, Pan, and Videl entered.

"I still don't understand why we're here!" Bulma practically shrieked.

About 30 different people shushed her.

"Same to you!"

"Everyone, just be quiet and sit in this row." And with puzzled looks on their faces, they did. Soon after, the ceremony began. They had to sit through all the rest of the sections until the law one came up.

Bulmas eyes widened as they called her husbands name and she cried when he accepted his diploma. It has been 8 long years and finally he would be home to stay.

~Owari~

* * *

Next (and last) in the Career Arc, Vegeta Vegita: Attorney At Law.

Longer than I wanted but ::shrugs:: oh well. The longer, the better.

Small rant: You know what I noticed about my writing? The more fics I do, the longer they get! Take 'The Call', it's extremely short. I don't know _what_ I was on when I wrote that because I think it's bad. Really bad. I also have some prejudice against fics shorter than 10kb and parts to an epic shorter than 14kb. I don't know where _that_ came from.

Small promo: The contest submission period ends the 8th of July so if you're going to enter you better do it soon because I reject ALL late entries! (Unless it's a _very_ special case...)

Another tiny rant: I didn't know that the text shows up so small! In Front Page Express it looks big to me! Someone should have said something...


	6. The Career Arc (5): Vegeta Vegita: Attor...

Disclaimer: Insert the usual one here

Note: My last story of the career arc. ::wipes away a tear:: such memories. Well, I think that I have a idea for a new arc. I'm not sure but I'm too good at Vegeta humor stories (or so the readers say...) to stop now! This one seriously lacks a lot of humor though.

Read these first (in that order too!):  
1. The Career  
2. Another Day, Another Job  
3. Vegeta the Bus Drivin' Man  
4. Saiyans in Space  
5. Vegeta in College: Let the Comedy Begin!

A total of 6, a well rounded number. My favorite one too.

* * *

Vegeta Vegita: Attorney at Law

Vegeta picked up his brief case and walked down the street to where his brand new Mercedes, courtesy of Bulma, was parked by the meter. As he smoothed a nearly invisible wrinkle out of his black Armani suit -- nevermind the fact that he was just about to sit down again -- he opened the right side driver door of his vehicle, a woman came running up to him.

"Vegita-san! Vegita-san!" she cried.

"What do you want woman?!" he growled. She was wasting his time. He was already late for lunch with his wife.

"I need your help!"

"Come back later, when I'm full."

She gave him the infamous puppy dog eyes. "But you're the only one who can help me! After lunch might just be too late!"

Vegeta sighed. Damn that woman and damn that look! She shut the car door and motioned to her. "Come to my office and we can discuss this over coffee."

"Arigatou!"

***

"You want me to do WHAT?!" Vegeta shrieked after hearing what was wrong.

The woman, who said her name was Lenora, flinched. "You the best in the business."

"That's true..." _Damn! She sure knows how to flatter someone!_

"Are you going to do it or not?"

"Woman," She glared at him. "this is hard for me to admit but I don't think that I can get your husband off."

"Why not?"

"Lady he went into a mall and starting shooting people with an assault rifle. For no reason! The JSIB (Japanese Special Investigation Bureau) was there watching him and they're the ones who made the arrest!"

"Your point is?"

Vegeta stook in irritation. "Good bye."

Lenora started to nod and walk out. Then the strangest thing happened. She turned around, leapt at Vegeta, grabbed him around the legs, and began to wail.

"OHHH PLEEEEASE! PLEEEEASE HELP MEEEEE! I'LLLLL DOOOOOO ANNNYTHIIIING!"

Vegeta started to pry her off in disgust and then he stopped. "Anything?"

"Hai," She sniffled, her nose dripping on his suit. "Anything."

_Ugh! Now I'm going to have to go by the dry cleaners!_

"Well, you have to...."

***

"Please rise," the balif said in the courtroom that next week. Vegeta had to fly to the United States for the preceedings. It was held in the Texas state court. "The honorable Judge Johnson will preside over the case."

Judge Johnson came in from his room off to the side and sat. "You may be seated."

"First case of the day, The State versus Thomas Redley."

"Plantiff, please state your case."

"Thank you your honor." The skinny man approached the front. "We are accusing Mr. Redley of heartlessly slaughtering people at a public mall. He had no right to do that and--"

Vegeta jumped to his feet. "Objection!"

"On what grounds?" the judge asked.

"He doesn't know whether he had a good reason or not! He wasn't present at the alleged incident."

"There isn't a reason in the world that would provoke him to do something so stupid! Alleged incident? Are you trying to imply that it never happened?"

The judge frowned deeply and rapped his gavel on its stand. "Mr. Vegeta, Mr. Gilbanni if you two cannot control yourseves in this Court of Law, I shall hold you in contempt!"

"Sorry your honor," the toothpick of a lawyer replied.

"Gomen nasai."

The judge glared at them both, Vegeta in paticular. "You better hope so."

***

The case went on and on from there, but like Vegeta had said earlier, there wasn't a thing he could do to get that man off. Later he outfitted Lenora with a hose, sponge, a rag, and a can of wax before retreating into his house. 

"If there's a scratch on my car..." he let the threat linger in the air. She nodded, sort of fearfully.

"HI TOUSAN!" Bra hugged him as he came in. "How are you?"

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "These bakas think that I'm a miracle worker!" He picked Bra up and went into the living room.

"Hello Veggie-chan!" Bulma said cheerfully. "You had a phone call."

Vegeta frowned. "From who? Don't tell me it's that retard Kakarott again! I told him I can only spar _once_ a day for now on and that's in the mornings!"

"Iie," Bulma handed him a notepad. "It's from another potential convict." She grinned suddenly. "This one you have to read to believe..."

Vegeta scanned the pad, his perpetual scowl becoming more defined with each word.

"I am NOT---" Then he saw how much the job was worth if he won. "...going to waste more time! I have to go pack for another trip to the US."

Trunks came into the room, Goten close by as usual. "What case is it this time?"

Bulma's grin grew wider. "You father has to represent some kid."

Goten shrugged. "No big deal about that."

Bra, who had known about it earlier, gave him a look. "Just hear about what he did!"

"The girl, a little younger than Bra, apparently is a genius and she hacked into the US government's files."

Trunks and Goten's eyes got larger.

"That's not all, she re-routed all of the funding _and_ stole about 25 million dollars from Fort Knox!"

"How'd she get caught?" Trunks asked.

"She forgot to hide the IP address from her computer and the FBI tracked her down."

Goten whistled. "She should have used a public computer...." Seeing everyones looks he hastilly continued. "Not that I know about such things!"

"Anyway...." Vegeta rolled his eyes, "I have to go soon and since her Kaasan is an heiress, they're offering 1.2 million zenni if I win it!"

"Wow!" Bulma exclaimed. "We'll be rich, er, even more rich!"

"Hell no woman! This money is going to be all mine!"

"What are you going to do with it?"

"I haven't decided yet." Vegeta glared at her. "Leave me alone, I need to look over my books and find a loop hole. Since she's a minor, it should be easier." He turned to his daughter. "Bra, you can help me."

"Yeah!"

"Aw Tousan!" Trunks whined. "Why can't I help?"

"Trunks, how big is your IQ again?"

"Point taken. Let's go mess with Pan, Goten."

"Okay." They two young saiyans left on their way to Gohan's house.

"See what I mean?" Veggie said to Bulma. "When was the last thing he did that was constructive? Sparring not counted."

"I wouldn't have counted it anyway! He must have been 10. It was when he read a book on how to pick up women."

Bra started laughing.

"He was always a little womanizer." Bulma said.

"I have work to do. Come on Bra."

"Hai."

***

45 minutes later, Vegeta deemed he was ready and Bra talked him into letting her coming along.

"I've did extensive research. There's nothing in the books that say that you can't bring an assistant (dont really know if there is or not, but just go along with this)."

"Well, you are good at law and you're dependable." Bra beamed. "Okay, you can come too."

"Oh arigatou!"

"Hey Lenora! Are you done with my car yet?" Vegeta went outside with Bra following.

"Hai Vegeta-san. Doesn't it look okay?"

Vegeta examined every inch of the black paint. Then he saw something that made his scream. "THERE. IS. A. SCRATCH. RIGHT. HERE!"

Lenora ran over to him and moved her hand over it. "Vegeta, it's just a piece of gray thread." she said a little shakily as she showed it to him.

"So it is. Sorry about that." Lenora fainted in relief. Vegeta moved her off to one side and got in, putting the suitcases into the trunk.

"Bye Kaasan! We'll be back soon!"

"And I'll be rich!" Vegeta pulled out of the driveway and tore down the street.

"If he was going to drive like that, he shouldn't have got an expensive foreign car." Bulma said, sighing.

***

"All rise. The honorable Judge Bennett presiding." The balif announced. This time they were in federal court. 

The judge arrived and sat down. "You may be seated."

"First case of the day: The Government of the United States of America versus Samantha Howard."

Vegeta spoke. "Your honor, I have a question. May I approach the bench?"

"You may."

"Listen, my 14 year old daughter is my assistant. This is okay with you, right?"

"Yes. I see no problem with it."

"Good." He returned to his seat.

"Plantiff," the judge said. "state your case."

"Thank you your honor. We have charged Samantha Howard, a 12 year old from New York, with the crime of breaking into the top-security files of the United States and stealing over 25 million dollars from Fort Knox." The woman took her seat.

"How does the defendant plead?"

Vegeta motioned to Bra who stood. "Not guilty." The girl sitting next to Vegeta looked _extremely_ frightened.

The judge nodded. "State your reasons."

Vegeta took the floor. "There are many factors involved with this, your honor. One, she is a minor and therefore entitled to her mistakes. That is how we learn. Two, she did not receive the money. Since it wasn't on her person, she should not be charged with that..."

"Objection!"

"On what grounds?"

"She attempted to steal it. That is what matters."

"Vegeta glared at the woman. "You said that she _did _steal it, not attempted to!"

The woman blushed slightly. "I-uh.."

"You have no idea what you're talking about do you?!"

Bra stood and rushed to her father. "Tousan, calm down. If you don't keep a level head then we won't win."

He nodded. "Excuse me your honor. I wish to apologize to the Plantiff's attorney."

He just nodded. "Sit down Ms. Walker. Continue, Mr. Vegita."

"Thank you." He moved toward the jury and looked each one of them in the eyes. "We do not know that it was her. Just because the computer was in her room does not mean that she did it. There are 5 other people living in her house, any one of them could have been the acutal culprit."

"OBJECTION!"

"Why?!" Vegeta glared death at the woman.

"Mr. Vegita!" The judge snapped. Veggie shut up. "Overruled!"

"Thank you. I have no further questions your honor." Vegeta took his seat and Bra gave him another pill to calm him down. "Bra, you're taking the next one (not the pill, the next round of questioning and evidence thing)."

"I hold before the jury exibit A." Ms. Walker held up a plastic bag with a computer mouse inside of it. There was also a paper that matched the fingerprints to Samantha. "The mouse!"

"That's obvious," Vegeta muttered to Bra who giggled.

"It has her fingerprints all over it! I now show you exhibit B, the keyboard!"

"Ms. Walker, do you have a point to this?"

"Finally!" Bra sighed.

"Yes I do! Since these items have her prints all over them, she is guilty!"

"Thank you Ms. Walker, you may now be seated."

Bra stood. "I would like to call a whitness your honor."

"You may."

"Will Samatha Howard please come to the stand."

The girl nervously approached.

"Will you swear the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?"

"I d-d-do." She sat.

"Now Samantha, tell us about your family life."

The girl gave Bra a weird look then spoke. "Well, my mother and father live with me as well as my older sister, older brother and my little brother..."

"Do you have a room to yourself?"

She shook her head. "I share with Meghan."

Bra turned to the jury. "She shares a room with her sister, who could have logged on around the same time the files were hacked into."

She turned back to Samantha. "Do you get on the internet often?"

"Not really. I mostly play with my little brother, Brandon."

"Were you logged on the day of the incident?"

"Yes. I had to search the internet for information for a report."

Ms. Walker gave a smug look.

"Ms. Walker, what time was the governmential computer hacked into?"

"Around 11pm."

"Sam, what time do you go to sleep on school nights?"

"10 o'clock."

"Ah ha! She always goes to sleep at 10 o'clock on school nights! What time does your sister go to sleep?"

"Whenever. She usually stays up to about 1am."

"OBJECTION!"

"On what grounds, Lady? I didn't ask a wrong question!" Bra growled.

"I know you didn't. I just have something to say."

"You don't call objection for that!"

"Who are you to say if I do or don't little girl?"

Bra growled further and began to walk over to the woman. Just as she was about to give her a few good bruises, Vegeta held her back.

"Let me take over for now."

"No further questions your honor."

Ms. Walker, recovering from her brush with death, smirked.

"Samantha, are you telling the complete truth?"

"Yes. She didn't ask me any hard questions!"

"Do you like hacking into things?"

"OBJECTION!" Bra and Vegeta shouted in unison. "She's badgering the whitness!"

"Sustained."

"I just want the truth!"

"Lady, you can't handle the truth!" Bra snarled.

The judged rapped his gavel against the stand. "Order in the court! Young lady, you may now leave the stand." He looked at the clock on the wall. "Since we are running out of time, the jury will now leave to render a verdict."

The baliff opened the door on the the right side of the courtroom and all 12 jury members, including the foreman, left for the small room beyond. Then things got a little restless.

"Do you think we won?" Bra whispered to her father.

"We should. That bitch from the government doesn't know a thing about law!"

"I heard that!" Ms. Walker hissed at them.

"You were supposed to!"

Ms. Walker jumped up from her seat. "How dare you! You and that little brat you call an assistant!"

Bra jumped up as well. "You don't know what you're messing with Lady!"

Ms. Walker snorted. "I'm sure it isn't much."

"Oh that's it!" Bra jumped over the table and tried to throttle her when Vegeta pulled her back to her seat.

"Who needs the pill now?" he said handing the bottle and a glass of water to her.

Bra shot him a look before she took it.

Then the baliff walked up to the judge and told him something.

"Now, the jury has reached a verdict." They 12 members returned and took their seats.

"Please stand up and read the verdict."

The foreman stood and spoke. "Because there wasn't enough evidence to prove that she _didn't_ do it, we find the defendant guilty."

The crowd started to mutter.

Judge Bennett rapped the gavel. "I sentence you to 10 hours of community service and an internet restriction of about 1 month. Court dismissed!"

"She hacks into the governmential computers and only gets community service?!" Ms. Walker shrieked.

"Life just isn't fair, is it?" Bra said smugly.

Samantha's parents came up, hugged their daughter, and spoke to Vegeta.

"Since you kept our poor baby from capital punishment, you'll still get the money."

Vegeta smirked. "Thank you! Can I have it by next week? I know just what I'm going to spend it on."

"What's that Papa?" Bra asked.

"We're going on vacation! Maybe tour the world or something. Just you and me. How about that?"

Bra hugged him and laughed. "That's great!"

"Just don't tell your mother."

* * *

And so ends my Arc, but it was also the opening to another. (Guess what it's about...)


	7. The Misc Arc (1): The Ultimate Torture

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Ball Z or any of the characters, I just wrote a story about them. Enjoy!

3 days ago....

OFFICER: Sir, we have been receiving numerous reports about a man who keeps terrorizing the general populace and basically driving people insane.

POLICE CHIEF: I know. We need to do something about him. What is his name again?

OFFICER: It's Vegeta sir.

POLICE CHIEF: Ah Vegeta. If his wife wasn't so popular I would have done this a long time ago, but I can't take it anymore! (He pushes a buzzer to an intercom on his desk. He gets his secretary.) Suzanne, call the special discipline officer. We have a Code Blue on our hands.

SUZANNE: Yes sir.

OFFICER: Uh, sir? What's a code blue?

(Insert suspense music here)

POLICE CHIEF: Saiyan with an attitude.

Present time....

BULMA: Vegeta you have to go! I won't take no for an answer!

VEGETA: I refuse and you can't make me!

BULMA: If you don't, you can't sleep in the same room, no make that the same house, for a month!

VEGETA: (gasped and mouth drops open) That's not at all fair!

BULMA: What you do to people is not at all fair!

VEGETA: But...

BULMA: GO!

VEGETA: But...

BULMA: (in a warning tone) Vegeta....

VEGETA: Fine.

(He flies to a very plain looking building in the middle of the city. He sighs again and opens the door and goes in. A lady greets him.)

LADY: Well hello! You must be Vegeta! Welcome. Come on in. We've been expecting you.

(They walk down the hall to a room. All the while the sounds of screaming and yelling keeps getting louder. Finally they stop at a door with MAIN ROOM at the top of it.)

LADY: Don't worry. They're no trouble at all. And don't try to back out of this because you have to complete 20 hours to fulfill your debt to society. By the way, I'm Sarah or Ms. Johnson.

VEGETA: (muttering) Don't remind me.

(The woman opens the door to a large room and walks in with Vegeta behind her. Everyone inside stops what they are doing and looks at him.

SARAH: Children this is the new assistant and your playmate. Meet Vegeta!

CHILDREN: (in unison) Hello Mr. Vegeta! 

VEGETA: (to himself) Why me? Can my life get any worse than this? (A nerf football hits him in his head) I guess so...

(There is a knock at the door. Sarah goes to answer it. She looks rather disturbed and turns to Vegeta.)

SARAH: It seems I have to leave for a moment. One of the children managed to get loose and get his arm caught in a pickle jar. DON"T ASK. Anyway, can you watch them until I get back? Thanks! (She leaves and as soon as the door closes all hell breaks loose. Every single kid in the room throws himself full force at Vegeta knocking him down.)

GIRL: Let's have a tea party!

BOY: No let's play space invaders!

(Vegeta gets up and the previous girl and boy attach them each to an arm and pull in opposite directions. Vegeta has a really surprised and panicked look on him face.)

VEGETA: Stop please! 

(The children continue...)

VEGETA: STOP NOW!!

(Everyone calms down and looks at him.)

VEGETA: I'm going to tell you demons a story...

CHILDREN: Yea! We're going to hear a story, we're going to hear a story...

VEGETA: Stop! Okay, sit down around me. (They all do) Now, once upon a time there was a man who liked to eat children...

BOY IN BACK: What was his name?

VEGETA: Vegeta

BOY: Same as you?

VEGETA: Yes now SHUT UP! Anyway, he just loved to eat children with a little salt and gravy on the side. But the children were in luck, he only ate them if they were bad, loud and asked stupid questions. (He pauses to glare a that boy who gulps) One night...

(And he continues on with his story. During it the kids have been moving farther and farther away and are getting edgy.)

VEGETA: So you see, you should always be good little boys and girls because you never know when Mr. Vegeta, who eats children, is out looking for a midnight snack! (He emphasizes this by showing all of his teeth in a snarl.) Now, GO TO SLEEP!

(The kids scramble for the floor and curl up in fear. This is how their parents found them when they came to get them.)

VEGETA: (to himself) This is easier than I thought.

(This continues every day for the whole term of his sentence (2 weeks). 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. Every time though, he had a new story to fright, er entertain them with. Finally he was done.)

VEGETA: I'm done! Now I can relax... (When he got to his front door, Bulma was there waiting for him.)

BULMA: (in a low voice) Hello Vegeta.

VEGETA: (tiredly) Yes, hi. MOVE!

BULMA: (Still blocking the door) I didn't think you could do it. Congrats. Would you want to do it again?

VEGETA: (obviously lying) Yes! It was wonderful!

BULMA: (moved from the door and let Vegeta passed. He was halfway up the stairs when she said...) Really? I'm happy. You should be too because you get to do it all over again starting Monday. It seems you've scared those kids straight. They have nightmares nightly about a man comes to eat them so the police gave you 100 hours community service to fix what you did. ENJOY!

VEGETA: (too tired to pay attention) Yes great.

Later that night...

VEGETA: (Screaming. After he realized what she said.) NOOOOO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

BULMA: (loudly) Ha ha ha! Happy babysitting Vegeta!

THE END


	8. The Misc Arc (2): Vegeta's Trip to the A...

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z or any of the characters. I just wrote a story about them. Enjoy!

"Well Vegeta, you've finally done it!" screamed an enraged Bulma.

"What did I do now woman?"

"You and your little 'midnight fridge raids' have ruined us! I just found out today that there is no food in there and I've used my credit cards so much they're maxed out!"

"What does this have to do with me?"

"Ugh!" she yelled and threw whatever was handy at Vegeta. Turns out it was a dictionary. He just calmly caught it and set it down gently on the coffee table.

"You're going to the ATM, mister! Then you're going to the supermarket!"

"I, Prince of the Saiyans, shopping for food like a low class soldier? I don't think so!"

"Then you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight and many nights to come!"

"Then again...Maybe I can do this just this once..." he scowled.

"Thanks, dear. The list is on the refrigerator. Bye." She kissed him on the cheek.

"Woman, where are you going?"

"To ChiChi's. We're going to rent some movies and have a marathon!"

~ I'm kind of sorry I asked ~ he thought to himself.

*************************************

About 20 min. later, Vegeta was about ready to leave, then he discovered one small problem. What the hell is an ATM machine in the first place? Maybe it means, 'Ask Tim for Money'. Yeah that's it. Ask Tim for Money. But who is Tim and why does Bulma get money from him? He flew to the Satan City First National Bank as fast as he could (He knew where to go by logical reasoning. Where is the one place with lots of money that you can get from it? Of course, the bank.) In a long line next to the ATM was a long line of cars. 

~ Damn. A prince such as me should not have to wait, I'll just blast these insolent people to the next dimension. ~ And that's exactly what he did. He landed in front of the machine.

"Hey! Where can I find Tim?"

"Excuse me sir?" said a voice from a small speaker.

"You heard me! I need to see the Tim my wife gets money from!"

"Hold on one moment." (Muffled a bit: Yeah security? We have a nut case on the loose. What? I don't care if it's you coffee break! Get your lazy, fat asses out here now!)

Vegeta with his acute hearing of course heard every muttered word loud and clear as a bell.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO, WEAK, PATHETIC HUMANS? YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR ME, A MIGHTY SAIYAN PRINCE!" unknowingly that stupid teller just fed fuel to the fire that is Vegeta's ego.

Two extremely large, balding security guards, who had obviously seen better days, run out with nightsticks thinking to do some damage as quickly as possible so that they could get back to their pigging out. One actually had on a bib that said, 'Mommy's Little Angel' around a heavily padded neck (I wonder how he breathed?).

Vegeta took them both down with a small ki blast. (Not enough to kill them mind you, 'cause he definitely didn't want Bulma on his case. Just enough to knock them unconscious.) Then he concentrated his annoyance on the building. (You can count on by this time the other customers have long fled.) He reaches the gaping hole in blinding speed and stomps in.

"Heeeelp me!" screamed one male employee. Vegeta recognized that voice. (Guess who it was? I'll give you two guesses.) Vegeta decided it was time to have a heart to heart chat with that person.

"Hey you! Yeah you over there, trying to jump out of that window! I want to ask ya something." Naturally this man wasn't going to stop so before Vegeta even finished talking, he had started walking over to him. 

"Where can I Ask Tim for Money?" The teller just looked at him dumbfounded. "You know Ask Tim for Money, ATM!"

"Oh!" the man chuckled slightly. "You mean the ATM money machine! It's really called the Automatic Teller Machine." (This man must truly have a death wish. 1. He dared to correct Vegeta 2. He dared to laugh at Vegeta & my all time fave 3. He dared to piss Vegeta off.)

Vegeta started to laugh evilly until he was near maniacal. "Bye, bye weakling. See ya in another dimension. NOT! After Vegeta finished his killing spree, he decided to loot the safe for the heck of it. After he stole all of his fill he flew out and just simply blew the place up, escaping home just before the cops, ambulance, and media arrived on the scene.

***************************************

After arriving home and stashing the loot in the mattress, he reclined on the sofa for yet another interesting time of watching Earth t.v. He heard a car door slam and got a funny feeling he was forgetting something important.

"Hey Vegeta, you go get some money and shop for food like I told you to?"

"Damn. That's what he was missing. Oh, well tomorrow's another day."

"Today on Channel 8 news, our cover story is a weird one. Mia Roberts is at the scene, live, reporting."

Mia: "Thanks Bob. At the Satan City First National Bank a tragic event has occurred. It seems an insane man, who looked like he was struck by lightning, robbed and blew up the bank building. Here is a sketch of him drawn by eyewitness accounts....."

Bulma of course chose that moment to walk in. "WHAT!"

~ That is if I live that long. ~ He thought.

THE END

Now what did you think? Please rate this!


	9. The Misc Arc (3): Vegeta Goes to Disney ...

Disclaimer: Back to the short ones. I don't own them or make money from them so there! ~ ~ = Vegeta's thoughts 

Note: You might have to use Download story to read this. It's in crappy text format. Explanation at the bottom. 

Vegeta Goes to Disney World. 

"This vacation is going to be great!" Goku cried. 

"Goku calm down! You're embarrassing us!" ChiChi told him. 

Goku, ChiChi, Gohan, Videl, and the rest of the Z-senshi (except Piccolo) were standing at the entrance to Disneyworld in Orlando, Florida. 

"Well kids, where do you want to go first?" Gohan asked them. 

"The teacups!" Bra shouted. 

"Mr. Toad's Wild Ride!" yelled Pan. 

"Splash Mountain!" yelled Trunks. 

"The Ferris Wheel!" said Goten. Trunks gave him a really weird look 

"The ferris wheel? That is so stupid Goten!" 

"THE TOWER OF TERROR! I want to see how many times I can ride it without getting sick." Everyone gave the speaker open-mouthed stares. "Well I do!" said Vegeta defiantly. "I don't have to explain my reasons to you or anyone else!" With that said, he turned around and stalked all the way back to the hotel. Used to his outburts, everyone else just shrugged and resumed trying to figure out what to ride. 

*** 

Back at the hotel, Vegeta was laying on his back on the bed thinking. ~I want to have fun sometimes too. How dare Kakarott and his little stupid friends criticize me!~ 

The door suddenly opened and in walked Bulma with Trunks supporting her and Bra not far behind. 

"I'm okay," she said weakly, "don't worry." Bulma sat down in a nearby chair. 

"What happened to you, woman?" Vegeta asked with curiosity. 

"Mom, Bra, and I went to Epcot Center. She rode Space Mountain five times because we were having a contest." 

Bulma got up quickly and ran to the bathroom, covering her mouth with her hand. After five minutes she came out and laid down on the bed. Vegeta had gotten up and was standing near the window. 

"Kids, could you leave a moment?" After they had departed to their room, she continued. "Vegeta, I need a HUGE favor. Trunks is okay on his own in the park, but not Bra (she's 4), could you take her?" 

"Who do you think I am some sort of babysitter? Or worse, Kakarott? I will not!" Vegeta shouted. 

At this moment the door opened a second time and Bra came in. "Niichan said to tell you that he's gone." Bulma sighed and looked at her sadly. "Kaasan, what's wrong?" 

"Your Tousan said that he won't take you. You'll just have to stay here with me." 

"Oh, okay. I understand." she looked as if she wanted to cry. 

Vegeta never could tolerate that look for long. "Look Bra, I'll take you just this once." 

"Thanks Papa!" she ran up and hugged him around his legs.Then father and daughter left hand-in-hand. 

*** 

"Bra, why don't you ride something I don't have to get on with you? Like the merry-go-round?" Vegeta said wearily. That kid had an amazing amount of energy, while he just had an headache. 

"But Papa! I want to get on Splash Mountain!" she cried. 

"Fine, but this is the *last* ride for today." 

While they were walking to the ride, Vegeta saw how she wanted to see more around her, but she was too short so he picked her up and put her on his shoulders. 

~This is not so bad. I actually don't mind being with her.~ 

While they were waiting, three familiar people walked up. 

"C'mon ChiChi! Please?" 

"Alright, alright, we'll ride this." 

"Thanks. Goten, I'll race you!" And they ran off laughing. ChiChi sighed, "It's like I have three children." 

Vegeta, with his acute saiyan hearing, heard them. He also reconized Goten and Goku's ki. 

"Oh great." Vegeta started to panic. "Bra, how about you go ride the teacups?" 

"Papa, I already did!" she whined. 

Then Vegeta was struck with an excellent idea. 

"Excuse me, excuse me. Coming through!" he shouted pushing his way to the front of the line. He had to get as far away from them as possible. Then he stopped dead in his tracks. 

"Pan, are you positive you want to ride this?" 

"Hai, Tousan." 

"We have a long wait ahead of us." Videl sighed. 

~This just isn't my day.~ He tapped Videl on the shoulder and when she looked that way, he snuck past them. 

"What are you doing, Papa?" Bra said quite loudly. 

"Quiet brat." Vegeta hissed. 

He darted forward, then stopped again. 

"Yamcha, are you sure you want to sit in the front seat? You know that's where you get the wettest and besides, your hair would get all messed up!" 

"Whatever Tien. At least I have hair!" 

"Thanks for letting me come with you guys. Goten is such a baby!" Trunks said. 

"No problem." Choutzu told him. 

~I'm gonna just stay right here and no one will notice me at all.~ Vegeta put Bra down and tried to hide in the shadows. 

*** 

About 10 minutes after the ride was over and Vegeta was still soaking wet head-to-toe, he wearily got up from the bench. Bra was fast asleep next to him. He picked her up in his arms and started back for the hotel. 

~I'm glad no one saw me, but I sure am hungry.~ He saw a nearby outdoor restaurant. He set the slumbering Bra down at a table and went to order. After he came back, he woke Bra up so that she could eat her food. 

While he was eating, he never noticed the group that had arrived. After he had finished, he picked Bra up (who had fell asleep again) and continued on his way, but not before he rounded a corner and that group of people saw him. 

"Hey Vegeta! Why are you here? I thought you were mad!" Vegeta froze in his tracks. Bra yawned and snuggled up to Vegeta more. 

"Uh I have to go now. Good bye!" Vegeta took off quickly, practically flying away. 

*** 

~I can't believe I lost my composure back there. They caught me with my guard down! It won't happen again.~ 

When Vegeta got back to the hotel room, Bulma had already heard everything from ChiChi over a phone from the park. 

"You are so wonderful Vegeta. I could never believe that you would have fun with your daughter!" 

"Who told you? It was a lie!" 

"Vegeta shut up! You can't stand looking nice in front of people. You are pathetic!" 

"I don't have to take this from you, woman. I'm leaving!" he stomped over to the window, opened it, and flew away in a huff. 

*** 

On the beach by the hotel, he felt a ki beside him. 

"Are you here for a particular reason Kakarott?" 

"Actually I am." 

Vegeta stopped walking and turned to face him. "Well?" he asked impatiently. 

"I'm here to say that what you did for Bra was a very nice thing to do. I know you don't show it, but inside you're a really good guy." With that said Goku, teleported back to ChiChi. 

~That was weird. An intelligent thought from Kakarott. Hmmm.~ 

*** 

When Vegeta returned to the hotel room, it was night. He went to the kids' room and kissed them both goodnight and left to tell Bulma she was right. 

THE END 

I had to write it in text because the html editor takes up too many resources and makes my computer freeze up and for some reason Microsoft Word has disappeared from my computer. 


	10. The Misc Arc (4): The Strange Day

Disclaimer: I do not own the show "Dragon Ball Z" or any of the characters. My story is just based on them. Enjoy! 

Warning: One mild curse word. Nothing to get upset about. 

The alarm clock buzzed. Vegeta sat up and rubbed his eyes. It was another day. Strangely enough that made him happy. He tiptoed out of the room and into the bathroom so that he didn't wake Bulma. He showered and got dressed. After that he went downstairs and patiently waited for Bulma to come down. When she did he stood up and walked over to him. "Oh hi Vegeta." Bulma said sleepily. "Hello my wonderful, beautiful wife! And how are we today?" Bulma's mouth dropped open so far you could probably count all of her teeth. She just turned around in shock and went to the fridge to get some food. Vegeta sat down again. He didn't really understand what was wrong with Bulma. All he did was say hi and that's normal isn't it? A couple of minutes later 7 year old Bra and 14 year old Trunks came down pushing each other playfully, but that stopped as soon as they saw their father sitting there. "Hi mom, hi dad", they said quietly as they could. They stared at the floor. "Hi!" Vegeta said enthusiastically, "How are my favorite children today?" he said before he lifted them off of the floor into a giant bear hug. When he put them down again. Trunks went over to his mother. "Who is he and what has he done with our dad?" "Trunks! Hush!" Bulma said nervously. After breakfast, Bulma got up and proceeded to wash the dishes. "No honey, let me", Vegeta said gently. Bulma weak with shock sat down hard in a nearby chair. I don't know what happened to him, but please let this last! She said silently. A little after Bulma recovered she turned to Trunks, "Dear, I need you to go to the store. We are almost out of everything and you know why." Trunks grinned. Of course. Saiyans and their appetites were known all over and being only part does not make a difference. "Wait, wait. I'll go. Trunks you just go off and play with that nice Goten. I love you" Vegeta said. Trunks got one shocked look in until Bulma fainted dead away. Bulma opened her eyes to a really worried looking Vegeta standing over her. Trunks and Bra were gone. She almost blacked out again. Instead she sat up shakily and said, "I'm alright. Now you just go to the store." "Are you sure?" "Yes." Vegeta took the list and opened the door. Bulma stood up and walked over to him. He kissed her goodbye and flew away. As soon as he was out of site, Bulma practically flew to the phone. She dialed he friend Chi-Chi's number. "Hello?" "Listen Chi-Chi, you'll never guess what just happened?" "What?" she asked mildly interested. Bulma listed off everything Vegeta did and finished with, "And he kissed me goodbye!" "You're lying!" "No, I have to go lie down. This is all to much for me." "Bye Bulma. Hope you feel better." "Bye." *** Chi-Chi looked astounded. Never in her life had something surprised her more than this. She hurried and picked up the phone again. "Hello?" "Hey Videl, guess what happened?" 

*** Krillin hated shopping, but 18 would be mad at him if he didn't. Keeping people happy was so hard. He started to turn up aisle 6, Canned Food and stopped dead in his tracks. Of all the people he would expect to see at the grocery store, Vegeta was not one of them. He backed up quick hoping the dangerous saiyn warrior would not see him. He went into aisle seven right opposite the spot where Vegeta was and listened. He was humming softly to himself! Krillin couldn't believe it, he was enjoying being here! This was not an opportunity to be missed. He rushed to the checkout counter of the Satan Supermarket and paid as fast as he could. Sorry I didn't get everything 18, but this is more important! He said to himself. When he got outside he grabbed his bags and flew home at top speed. 

*** Chi-Chi walked to the kitchen. Goku was there emptying out their fridge as usual. She sighed. She almost wished he were fighting right now. At least she could get some food. "Goku I almost forgot! Bulma said Vegeta was acting nice today." This made Goku stop cold. Little could make him stop eating, but this was not little at all. "Chi-Chi you were hearing things. I don't think Vegeta has a kind bone in his body." Said a strangely serious Goku. "Okay. I guess you're right. By the way, we're having a dinner party tonight, so you need to go to the store." "Okay Chi-Chi." Soon after Goku left his home. He went to Satan Supermarket. It's very popular with the Z Warriors and their families. When he arrived he was about to go in, but saw a lady drop her purse. Being the nice man he always is he didn't hesitate to pick it up and hand it to her. As his back was turned though, Vegeta with a full load of groceries obstructing his view flew right passed him. 

*** "See Chi-Chi" Goku said later as he returned, "He was not there." "We'll see." Was all she said. Later, Goku and Chi-Chi's house was lively as usual. Everyone was there; Gohan, Videl and his daughter Pan, Krillin, his wife 18, and their daughter Marron, Goten, Yamcha, Tien, and Chouzu, but Bulma and her family was later than usual. Then the door opened. "Hey everyone." "Hi Bulma!" said everyone back then resumed previous business. "Hello my friends!" said a deep voice. Everyone stopped talking and stared. Who could this new voice be? A short figure stepped out. The person smiled. Goku eyes widened. Krillin whispered to 18, "Told you." Bulma somewhat shaky walked to the dining room. Trunks looked at his father then went over to Goten. Bra just stood there. Everyone politely mumbled, "Yeah hi Vegeta" and went to the dining room. On the way past him, Chi-Chi smacked Goku in the back of the head and said, "Did you hit him in his head while sparring, Goku?" They left before Vegeta heard the answer. Vegeta was confused yet again, What did he do wrong? Why was everyone staring? He just shook his head and followed the rest. After everyone said grace, Vegeta lightly tapped his spoon against his glass and stood up. Everyone though, Oh boy. What now? "I just want to tell you all," he started sniffing, "I love you guys! You are the best friends a man could ever have!" Overcome by his grief he ran out of the room and outside. 

*** "AHHHHHHHHHHH! Oh my god!" Vegeta sat up quickly covered in sweat. What a hell of a dream, he thought. Me, nice, HA! I have to stop eating before I go to sleep. He turned over and slipped into a more restful slumber. THE END 

So, did you like it? Hope you did. Now rate my story so I can see what you thought. 


	11. The Misc Arc (5): DBZ in the Land of OZ

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z or any of the characters. This is just a story based on them. Enjoy! 

"C'mon Goto (pronounced Go-toe)! Let's go!" Dorothy and her dog Goto were running down a long road. All of a sudden a city appeared. 

"What the...?!" Dorothy exclaimed as she slowed to a stop. "What is this place? Oh Goto, I'm scared!" she cried as Goto licked her face. 

"No need to worry little gir..., uh bo..., uh little * person *! You are in Munchkinland and we are very nice people. Very nice indeed!" said a little bald fellow with no nose. 

"Uh, sure." Dorothy said. "This is one ugly girl!" said the bald guy to a midget next to him. The midget giggled. 

"I'm not ugly! My Auntie said I'm just different!" 

"In other words, BUTT UGLY!" the bald man laughed hysterically. "Anyway, back to the subject. We're here to warn you of a mean witch who was here in the land of Oz. Her name's Chichi." said Baldy. 

"She doesn't sound too bad." 

"That's what they all say kid, that's what they all say." 

"Hello! I'm Piccolina (pronounced pick-co-lean-a) the good witch! I'm also here to deliver your specially made glittery red shoes!" A strangely beautiful person with a white dress and a wand appeared out of nowhere. 

"Why?" 

"I dunno. I was instructed to by the author." 

"Fine." Said Dorothy as she put them on her feet. 

"Yay!" cheered the weird little people. Beep! Beep! Beep! 

"Hold on one sec please." Piccolina looked at her pager. "Shoot! Why can't that dirty old man get a life? I am not going to become his baby's momma!" (guess who just paged her) "Back to business. If you want to go home at any time just go and ask the wizardess for help.." 

"What wizardess?" 

"The wizardess of Oz! Duh!" 

"Oh okay. How do me and Goto get there?" 

"By following the brown brick road." 

"Um excuse me Piccolina, but don't you mean the yellow brick road?" Dorothy asked. 

"We're dirt poor and the city's out of funds. We can barely afford bronze! How are we supposed to get a solid gold brick road? You want to get home don't you? It's brown or nothing at all!" Piccolina shouted. 

"Okay, okay! Sorry." Some music starts up from out of the blue. "Follow the brown brick road!" They start skipping down the road. "Follow the brown brick road! Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the brown brick road! Oh, we're off to see the wizardess! The wonderful wizardess of Oz! We hear she is a wiz of a wiz oh ever a wiz there was! Oh ever, oh ever a wiz there was, the wizardess is one because! Because, because, because, because! Because of the wonderful things she does! We're off to see the wizardess, the wonderful wizardess of Oz!" The music stops. 

"Stop! Please stop! I can't take it anymore! You guys sound awful! Don't quit your days jobs!" In the distance Dorothy saw a stupid looking stick man. 

"What's your name?" 

"Uh, Go-crow. Where are you going?" 

"To see the wizardess so I can go home." Dorothy said proudly. 

"Ooh, ooh, can I come? Pleeeeease?" 

"Alright. Might I ask why?" 

" 'Cause I need a heart. I'm made of straw so I want to feel alive." 

"Let's go!" she said. 

"Bark, bark." Goto agreed. 

"We're off to see the wizardess..." They sang as they skipped down the unseemingly endless road. Soon they came upon a tin man blocking their way. 

"Ugh. This sucks! I can't reach my oilcan and now I'm frozen! Hey little girl, can you help me?" 

"Hi! Who are you?" 

"I'm Go-tin, a tin man. Can you please oil me? By the way, where are you going?" 

"Me and Go-crow here are going to see the wizardess. I need to go home." She said while oiling him. 

"And I need a heart to feel alive." 

"Can I come too? I need an unlimited supply of oil and a personal slave so I never freeze up again. " Go-tin yelled. 

"Sure, the more the merrier." 

"Yay!" He soon got up. They started skipping and singing that familiar tune. They eventually came to a very dense forest that they entered immediately. 

"Frieza, Vegeta, and Cell. Oh, my! Frieza, Vegeta, and Cell. Oh my!" They chanted over and over again. They came to a shadowy figure. After Dorothy quit screaming a high-pitched wail that hurt their ears, the figure said something. 

"Roar." It said weakly. 'Hi! Who are you?" Dorothy shouted. 

"Aren't you afraid of me little person?" 

"Why should I be? You sound pathetic." 

"Ha, ha." The lion said sarcastically. "My names Videl. What's yours?" 

"I'm Dorothy, that's Go-crow, and that's Go-tin." She pointed to each one respectively. "Before you ask, we're going to see the wizardess. I need to go home, Go-crow needs a heart, and Go-tin needs an unlimited supply of oil and a slave. Yes you can go and don't tell me what you want. You need courage, right?" she said all of this in a bored voice. 

"Wow. You're amazing! How did you know?" 

"I had a hunch." Actually she looked at the script beforehand, but she wasn't telling them that. 

"Let's go then!" shouted Videl. 

"Right." Cried the others. They sang that stupid song again that is getting truly old. They soon came to a field of flowers. 

"This is it! I see the wizardess' castle!" shouted Dorothy who saw it in the distance. 

"These flowers sure are pretty." Commented Videl. They all bend down to sniff them. 5 Seconds later they all pass out except Goto. A witch appeared. 

"Woof! Woof!" Goto warned the others. Dorothy sat up drowsily. She was looking straight into the face that easily could have been the ugliest person in the world. (Actually she was. For 10 straight years and darn proud of it) 

"Well my pretty, I can't let you reach that wizardess. Your friends have to die, along with you and your little dog too." She cackled. Suddenly Dorothy got a telepathic message. 

"Dorothy I know I'm supposed to be there right now, but I'm stuck in traffic. You'll have to do it yourself. Bye!" Piccolina hung up. 

"Hmm that was weird." Dorothy thought. "I have an excellent idea!" She ran to an almost hidden creek and filled a canteen full of water. 

"The Girl Scout, multi-purpose, emergency kit." She said to herself. "Never leave home without it!" She then ran back to the witch and started to dump the water out on her. She stopped. 

"Wait a minute. Why aren't we at your fortress?" 

"It's currently having some repairs. Nothing to worry about." 

"Oh, okay." She presumed to pour the water out onto her. "I'm melting! I'm melting!" the witch cried. "Hold on. Water can't kill anyone!" 

"Oh yeah?" Dorothy smirked. "Well, * this * can! BIG BANG ATTACK!!!!" The witch was fried. Her new friends slowly awakened. "Let's go!" They ran to the gate and rang the doorbell. 

"Yeah? What is it?" 

"Are you the wizardess?" 

"DO I LOOK LIKE A WIZARDESS?! I'M NOT EVEN A GIRL!!!" he calmed down. "My name is Trunks. The butler." 

"Can we see the wizardess then?" 

"I guess so. Sure, why not?" All he saw was a small girl in a plaid dress and pigtails, a scarecrow, a lion, and a strange looking tin man. What harm could they do? He led them inside and shut the door quickly behind them. "We've been getting a lot of terrorist threats." He said as he explained his actions. "Ma'am, you have visitors.." He said to a sophisticated intercom on the wall. "Bring them here." Was the reply. "He took them down a long corridor with many doors. He stopped at an especially large one and knocked softly. "You may enter now." A female voice said. 

"Um, hi! I'm Go-crow and I really need a heart." 

"Fine." Said in a depressed way. "It's done." 

"Hello. I'm Go-tin and I need unlimited oil and a slave." 

"It's done." 

"Hey, I'm Videl and I need lots and lots of courage." 

"It is done." She said again. 

"What about you girl?" 

"I just want to go home." "Nope sorry. Can't do that." 

"What! Why?!" 

"It's not within my power. Besides you can do it yourself." She continued. 

"How?" 

"Hold Goto and lightly tap your heels together while saying, 'There's not place like that wonderful planet called Earth." 

"Oookay. There's no place like that wonderful planet called Earth, There's no place like that wonderful planet called Earth, There's no place like that wonderful planet called Earth..." 

"Vegeta! Are you actually saying there's no place like Earth?!" Bulma said shocked. 

"Oh Bulma! I had the strangest dream! You were there as a wizardess, Trunks was there, and Kakarott was there as a dog and I had pigtails!" Bulma just slowly shook her head and went back to sleep. 

THE END 

So, how did you like it? Please rate this! 


	12. The Misc Arc (6): A Saiyan's Worst Nigh...

~Mar. 10, 01~

Disclaimer: The usual. I don't own any of the products listed either.

Note: ::exaggerated sigh:: You know my most recent fic, Anything Can Happen? Well, it was supposed to be funny. But it turned out to be *cute*! ::wailing in dismay:: Am I losing my touch? I'm going to try once more and this one better make you laugh or I'll send Vegeta to murder you.

Note #2: Vegeta's almost in character! ::gasp!::

* * *

**A Saiyan's Worst Nightmare**

The day had been going perfectly fine until Bulma just had to ruin it. It all started out with a cough. Yeah, a stupid little cough. Nothing so small would have been able to stop me, the crowned prince of Vegeta-sei. But humans are a lot more fragile and I never get sick. I went off to train that morning not thinking anything of it until after lunch when that cough had grown into sneezing, a runny nose, and a fever of 102. So, like any other concerned husband, I poured her a glass of orange juice and gave her some cold medicine.

Then she began to whine.

"Vegeta!" She said weakly while ringing that damn bell I had the 'good' idea of giving her to summon me for something. "Can you go to the store for me?"

I frowned but brought out a piece of paper and a pencil anyway. "What do you want?"

And that was the real beginning of the nightmare.

"I need some more cold medicine, but don't get the drowsy kind because they make me sleep too late and please get the gel ones. Those go down easier. We're all out of orange juice, so pick up a couple of more cartons. But don't get the pulpy kind, Trunks doesn't like that. And make sure at least one has extra calcium."

I scribbled this all down as fast as I could, taking up most of the small piece of paper with just these two things.

"Chicken soup is good for illnesses so get a couple of cans. Campbell's please." She paused to make sure I was getting everything. "But make sure it has extra chicken and that it's *not* condensed!"

"Onna, is there even a difference?!"

She nodded. "If it's condensed, you add water. The other kind you don't have to do that."

I rolled my eyes. "That was a rhetorical question. I don't even care." She stuck her tongue out at me and continued her list. She added a few more things but the last is what really got me.

"No onna! I will *not* get that for you!"

"Why not?" She shook her head. "You men are *so* pathetic! I can't go to the store and get it! Vegeta!" She began to pout. "Please? Pretty please with sugar on top?"

I sighed at length and nodded. "Fine onna. But you owe me."

"Arigatou!" She hugged me as hard as she could.

So this is what has me at the grocery store at two o'clock in the afternoon. Shopping for my sick mate. How sad.

"Hi Veggie-chan!" Came a cheerful voice from behind. Oh look, here comes the King of Fools. Can my day get any worse than this?

"Kakarott." I said this by way of greeting. I'm not cold enough not to acknowledge someone, you know.

"Whatcha doin' here?" He picked up one of the pathetically small baskets from the pile. I grabbed one was well.

"The onna's sick so she had me come to this stupid store."

He nodded knowingly. "Ah. ChiChi's sick too. She said there's a bug going around." Kakarott scratched his head. "Though I don't know why a bug would make someone sick..."

I rolled my eyes and began to walk away. "Go away Kakarott and leave me alone."

"But Vegeta! It's more fun shopping with someone else!"

I paused briefly to look at the sign above the aisle. "No, it's not."

Kakarott looked at his list. "The first thing I have on here is orange juice."

I silently thanked kami for my good fortune. "It's on the other side of the store! Now go Kakarott!"

He shot me a funny look but said nothing as he departed. Great, now I can shop in peace.

***

"What's the damn difference!" I shouted in frustration as I looked at all the different types of cold medicine there were. Tylenol, Nyquil, Alka-Seltzer Plus... I shook my head and just grabbed one.

Wait a minute! I checked my list. It had a specific one.

"Softgels, non-drowsy formula," I muttered this as I examined the blue box of Alka-Seltzer Plus. I brightened. Great! It meets the requirements! I tossed it in my basket and moved on. Cough drops were next.

"Not again!" I dropped the basket and glared at the bags. "Why do humans have so many different kinds?!"

"Halls, Robitussin, Ricolla..." I checked the list. It only had a flavor requirement, or the one *not* to get.

Cherry. She absolutely detested cherry. It made her vomit. Well, that was what she told me. I just snatched one that was not cherry flavored. It didn't matter which one. I randomly grabbed some throat spray and a jar of Vicks Vapor Rub and moved on to the area where they kept the orange juice.

Briefly hiding behind a display of canned peaches, I tried to locate Kakarott by both sense of sight and sense of ki. It seemed it had moved on to the bakery. Did his mate want some donuts or something? I darted to the edge of another aisle to see. Even I get curious you know.

That baka was standing in front of a glass case just watching them make the donuts! He was practically drooling! I saw him open a wallet and count his money, sighing as he realized that he didn't have enough. Surprisingly, I felt sorry for him and went over.

"Kakarott," I said. He looked up.

"Oh hi Vegeta." He was actually depressed!

"Go ahead and get some," I flashed Bulma's credit card. "It's on the onna."

He flashed that little kid grin and before I could stop him, he hugged me. "Arigatou Vegeta! You're the best!"

"Let me go or you aren't getting a damn thing!" He released me so suddenly that I stumbled a little. "Meet me by the check out, alright? I need to get the rest of Bulma's stuff." He nodded and went to talk to the person behind the counter.

I made my way back over to the milk and juice section. I immediately remembered to *not* get the 'pulpy' kind though what Trunks likes doesn't really matter to me. If he wants a certain kind, he can come back here and get it himself. I got once container of regular, one of calcium, and I even got some of that cheap juice that Bra likes that doesn't even contain real fruit juice. It says so on the bottle. I'll get something extra for Bra but the boy better forget it.

Seeing as I accidentally walked past the canned food aisle while on the look out for Kakarott, I went back for some soup. I never really thought about how many different kinds of soup there were. I glanced past tomato, potato, vegetable, and mushroom for the chicken soup. But guess what? Even chicken soup has subcategories.

Chicken and plain noodles, chicken and stars, chicken and rice, chicken and vegetables, chicken and egg noodles; the list went on and on. The onna could have at least given me a specific type. Every single can said 'Now with even MORE chicken!'. I grabbed a can of chicken regular noodles as well as a chicken and stars and tossed it in my basket. Next time, she can explain herself better.

I went to the cereal and cookie aisle to get some chocolate chip cookies for the onna. I repressed the urge to blow the aisle half-way to Hell once I saw the different kinds of cookies. 'I'm almost done,' I reminded myself, 'just a little while longer.'

I know that Bulma and Bra love Chips Ahoy! so that's what I'm going to get. Although, deciding between chewy, regular, or the extra chips may be a problem. I shrugged and grabbed one of each and piled it on top of everything else. The tiny basket was getting a little full but I am *not* going back for a big cart. No way in Hell.

I grabbed Bra a box of Trix and moved towards the Cap'n Crunch. Don't tell anyone this, but I really love the stuff. Crunch Berries and Oops! All Berries are the best! I scanned the shelves as quick as I could and instantly got angry when I saw there were none at all. I hate the Peanut Butter and regular kind. I'm going to grab one of those workers and threaten, er, *convince* them to go get some more.

"Hey! Hey you!" The passing boy looked and me and pointed to himself. "Yes *you*! Go get me some cereal."

The pimple-faced teenager shook his head. "I can't sir. It's against store policy. You can only get what's there until we restock."

I placed my basket on the floor and faced him. He may be taller but I'm the only badass in this aisle. "Look boy, I don't think you understand me too well. It wasn't a request."

He snorted and turned away. "You don't scare me."

I smirked and began to gather and small amount of ki on the tip of my index finger. "Don't try me, boy. I'm not having a good day." I shot the tiny little beam a millimeter past his cheek and destroyed a display behind him. It was close enough that felt the heat from the blast. He paled and began to nod.

"R-right sir! I'll be right back!"

I nodded, picked up my basket, and followed. "It's good that we see eye-to-eye."

***

"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't *want* the regular kind! I want my crunch berries!" I know I was acting like a spoiled brat but I couldn't help it. I just want to go home and train!

"But sir," he was visibly shaking, "we're all out of crunch berries and the one with all crunch berries."

I looked behind him and saw the familiar blue box of Oops! All Berries. "What's that?"

He turned around and tried to hide it. "Um, nothing...."

I pushed him aside and pulled it free. "It says 'Cap'n Crunch's Oops! All Berries'."

"But sir, that's *my* box! I was saving it!"

I held my fist up to his face. "Whose box is this again?"

He began to crab walk backwards. "Yours. It's definitely *your* box!"

I turned away. "Finally you have it straight."

After leaving the back area, I was just about to go to the check out when I remembered Bulma's last item. The dreaded item. I slowly made my way back over to where the medicine was and the horrors of the

FEMININE HYGIENE AISLE.

"I thought the damn soup aisle was bad," I muttered as I looked through everything. "There are *millions* of different ones here!"

On the list she just had 'Always'. Like that told me absolutely *anything*. There were the slim kind, the regular kind, the overnight kind, the super absorbent kind... I grabbed a package and looked at the back of it.

"Oh... the shape means different things. Whatever one is shaded means a different type." The middle one was shaded. "This is 'super'."

I frowned. I don't have any more room for this! I spotted a basket a woman had and it was empty. Perfect!

Snatching it from her was easy but she seemed to think I was about to steal her purse. Well, she shouldn't have looked away from it. I dumped everything I had into the shopping cart and began to look again.

"I'm just going to get one of each. That should do it." I grabbed one super, one regular, one overnight as well as some with wings and some that were 'ultra absorbent'. "There. Now I can leave this damn store."

On the way to the checkout, I passed the aspirin again. I blinked and grabbed some Midol for the woman. Bulma PMSing was a truly scary thing.

***

Kakarott was there waiting like I told him. He handed him a gigantic bag of donuts and grinned sheepishly. I shook my head and just placed them on top of everything else.

(Note to readers. This scene is from a movie. Can you guess which one?)

"Oh excuse me," some onna asked. She looked bad and I mean *really* bad. Her make-up was messed up, and there were dark shadows under her eyes. "Can I just go in front of you?" She held up her arms which contained about four items. "Please?"

The baka took pity on her and allowed her in front of him. The bad thing was, he was standing in front of me.

"Kakarott," I hissed. He smiled.

"She won't take long." Then, his mouth dropped open, as she waved her hand and three brats showed up with a cart piled high with food.

My eyes narrowed. "Oh HELL no!"

She smirked at us as her children positioned themselves in front of us.

"Kakarott, looks like you just got played." Then that damn onna whipped out a checkbook. "That's it!"

I grabbed the first thing I saw from her cart, walked around the checkout lane, and grabbed the microphone away from the human man at the cash register.

"I need a price check on," I glanced down at the object I was holding and smirked. "Vagisil. That's Va-gi-sil." I looked at her. "Somebody hasn't been cleaning themselves too well." She blushed bright red and snatched the box from me.

Goku tried to frown at me but I saw that even he was trying not to laugh. "That wasn't nice Vegeta."

I crossed my arms and snorted. "Kakarott, this day has been horrible. Right now, I just don't care."

***

I got home almost an hour and a half later and Bulma was in the kitchen waiting for me.

"Arigatou Veggie but can you do me another favor?" I was wary but I nodded anyway. "We're all out of milk and-"

I cut her off right there. "Trunks! You mother wants you to go to the store!"

~Owari~

* * *

Now, was this one funny at all? Comments, minna, comments!

PS: Does anyone think this qualifies for the "Vegeta Humiliation Chronicles"?


	13. The Driving Arc (1): Vegeta and the DMV

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em and I never will.

Note: I haven't did a short story in a while, especially one centered around Veggie-chan.

Vegeta and the DMV

* * *

"Vegeta, you need to learn how to drive!"

"Why would I want to learn that human thing woman?"

"It's Bulma and anyway, you can't fly everywhere! People would start to stare!"

"Do you think I actually care about those pitiful, weak humans?"

"Everybody knows how; I know how, ChiChi knows how, Kaasan and Tousan know how... It's irregular if you don't know how!"

"Fine, fine. If I do it, will you leave me alone?"

"I will. Just go to the Department of Motor Vehicles tomorrow."

"The what?"

"I'll take you there." Bulma sighed.

* * *

The next day came quick, quicker than Vegeta would have liked. Soon he was in one of Bulma's cars, headed downtown.

"Woman, I may not know how to drive, but I do know that keeping your eyes on the road is a good thing!"

Bulma jerked her head up from where she was trying to dial her cell phone and swerved to avoid the telephone poll.

"Let me." _Before we crash into a building. _Vegeta snatched the phone from her and dialed the number she told him. As Bulma was chatting with ChiChi, Vegeta began to wonder what exactly was her getting himself into.

He was still deep in thought after they had arrived and Bulma was screaming that they were indeed at their destination.

"Veggie-chan," Vegeta winced at that stupid nickname, "just go in and sign up. Be sure to pass the written exam we went over last night, you're smart enough. Look good on the drivers license photo and call when your ready. Ja ne!" and then she drove away.

Vegeta sighed and started towards the door. When he got inside, he couldn't even see the front counter. Upon further inspection he saw that he was at the end of a _very_ long line.

"Damn." he cursed under his breath. "I knew this would be a _major_ inconvience!"

He waited for about 2 hours. Finally he was next in line. He was about to open his mouth with the lady put up a closed sign.

_I will __**not**__ leave! I waited for hours! I will have that stupid test today!_ He levitated up and over the counter and grabbed the poor woman by her collar.

"Listen," he hissed, "My woman made me come. If I don't have it today she'll make me come back tomorrow and every day until I actually take the test. I have **not** waited here and wasted my time for nothing. If you don't give me both the written and the other test I will personally give you a one way trip to HELL!" And to further emphasize his point, his other hand was busy gathering ki energy,

The woman was terrified. "Sir! You can take it now, sir!" She reached under the counter for a pencil and a copy of the test. "Here you go. I'll have one of the instructors stay behind to take you out on a run!" She ran out to get a person as fast as her legs would carry her.

_All you need is a little force and a way to inspire terror._ Vegeta sat down at a table and began to fill it out. In about 15 minutes he was done and he handed it to the woman who was so scared that she passed him instantly.

"Vegeta-san," she said after glancing at the top of the form, "the instructor is ready. You can go now." _Thank Kami._ she thought.

Vegeta gave her one last glare and walked outside. The drving instructor, having heard all about the saiyan, got into the car and moved as far away from Vegeta as he could get. Vegeta noticed and smirked.

"Um, you can begin now." Like there was no chance that Vegeta could fail since the man wanted to live. Vegetab turned the key in the ignition, brought the car out of park, and started off. About 5 minutes from the DMV he hit a traffic jam from people coming home from work.

"No they don't.." he muttered. He floored it and cut off a woman trying to change lanes. From then on he was cutting people off, making people brake really fast, and he caused five accidents. Finally the Instructor told him it was time for the freeway test.

On the freeway, it was just as bad.

"Watch out!" Vegeta kept shouting. "Prince of the Saiyans coming through!" He turned to the _very_ pale Instructor who was currently making peace with the higher powers. "See? I'm just drving offensively. That should be a plus."

"It would be, only you're supposed to be drving _defensively_." he muttered.

"What was that?" Vegeta snapped.

"Uh, nothing."

* * *

They returned to the DMV some 45 minutes later. It was time to parallel park. Something everyone dreads. But not Vegeta. He parked perfectly. The only thing he did right that day.

"So, did I pass?"

The Instructor was still in shock from his latest performance, but he quickly snapped out of it when Vegeta raised his fist. "Yeah, you did. Now all you need is the drivers license picture." He got out and started back inside the building. Vegeta followed.

Inside, the man set up the camera and the lamination machine and told Vegeta to stand against the wall. The picture was taken and Vegeta payed him.

* * *

Later, after Bulma picked him up and gave him the pleasure of driving home, she asked to see his picture.

"No woman."

"Why not? I want to see it!"

Vegeta sighed and handed her is newly created drivers license. She burst out laughing.

"It's not funny." Vegeta muttered.

"You ducked?" she asked incrediously.

It was true. All you could see of Vegeta in the picture was the top of his hair.

"I thought the flash was a ki blast."

"Yeah right! You're were startled!"

"Was not!"

"Were too!"

And the arguing comtinued all the way back to the Capsule Corp.

THE END

Note: I am not going to have the episode of OUADB done today, but tomorrow you get two! Yea! The Portal to Beyond is about half-way finished.


	14. The Driving Arc (2): Vegeta, Death Drive...

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Dragon Ball Z!  
  
Note: I got the idea from a Gundam Wing fic featuring Duo Maxwell and Wufei Chang. It was _really_ funny so I thought I would make one for DBZ. I guess you could say that it takes place a couple of days after Vegeta and the DMV. To read the original GW one, [go here][1].  
  
Note 2: Since I think it would be funnier this way, they are driving how you would in North America. Since I've never been to a place that does it differently, this is easier for me to do.

Note 3: I've decided to not post anything to any of my current series' until in finsh the third section on OUADB, the 12th chapter of PTB, and all of WSK. You might get short stories from me, but that is all. It will probably take a while, but you get 12 eps/chapters/parts at one time!

Note 4 (yes another one): Mike Steele, you're going to love this one. It has a lot of Vegeta violence.  
  


* * *

Vegeta: Death Driver

Goku awoke early one morning to the sound of someone pounding on his front door. He sat up and promptly banged his head on the headboard. While he rubbed the pain away, he got up slowly so he wouldn't wake ChiChi and indure her wrath.  
  
He walked down the stairs quietly, so he wouldn't wake Gohan or Goten and answered the door. The short saiyan knocker was caught off guard when the door opened quickly.  
  
Goku yawned a jaw-cracking yawn and said, "Ohayo Vegeta! How are you?"  
  
His only answer was a distracted grunt. Suddenly Vegeta started laughing manically and trust a rectangular card into Goku's face. Goku peered at it and tried to read the writing in the pale light.  
  
"Dri-ivers, Drivers! Lice--"  
  
"It's a driver's license bakayaro, MY dirvers license." Vegeta snatched the license back and stuffed it into a random hidden pocket of his spandex.  
  
"What makes you think I care?" Goku asked bluntly.  
  
Vegeta gaped at him. "Did I just here you _not_ say anything nice or cheerful to me?"  
  
Goku shrugged, annoyed. "You would be like this too if a particular short saiyan woke you up at," he glanced at his wrist watch, "SIX am in the morning talking about something as stupid as a drivers license!"  
  
Vegeta was so shocked at his behavior that he forgot to mention the fact that Goku could tell time. He shook it away and told the larger one why he was here.  
  
"I'm going on a car trip and I want you to come. I want to show off my driving skill. I want to prove to you that I AM better that you!" Vegeta remained the silent until Goku began to grin. Vegeta groaned. Did he just say that out loud?  
  
"I always KNEW you hated being inferior to me! Face it Vegeta," Goku shoved an index finger in the others face, "I will always be superior."  
  
Vegeta was shocked again. "Kakarott, did you forget to take your happy pill today?"  
  
Goku looked at him confusedly and shook his head slowly. Vegeta sighed, at least one thing would remain unchanged.  
  
"Look Kakrott, I'm coming back at 4pm so you better be ready 'cause you're coming with me no matter what!"  
  
"Whatever you say, Veggie-chan!" Goku hurriedly shut the door before he could see Vegeta's face get tomato red and listen to him shout obscenities at him.  


* * *

Later at the Son house...  
  
At prompty 4 o'clock pm, there was a knock on the Sons' front door. In fact, Vegeta was 30 seconds early. Gohan got up to answer it.  
  
"It's okay, Gohan. Vegeta! You can come in!" The door opened and Vegeta came inside, looking rather stupid with the flight goggles on his head like some freaky inmitation of the Red Baron.  
  
Goten and Goku dissolved into giggles rather instantly and even Gohan and ChiChi were supressing laughter. Trunks came around Vegeta's leg and started laughing as well.  
  
"Is Trunks coming along too?" Goku asked Vegeta.  
  
"The woman thought I should spend more," he started to struggle with the phrase. ""quality time" with him." Trunks promptly latched on to his leg in a death grip and Vegeta had to pry him off.  
  
"I love you Tousan!" Trunks cried, but all he got was a grunt in repsonse. Trunks, used to this, just shrugged and started talking to Goten.  
  
"Well, let's go then!" Goku got up and knocked over a glass of water. Before ChiChi could say anything, he gathered Trunks under one arm & Goten under the other and fled the household with Gohan and Vegeta not far behind.  


* * *

Outside...  
  
"Wow Vegeta! This is a _nice_ car!" Goku exclaimed and indeed it was. The car was midnight black with matching leather interior. It was a convertable with enough room for everyone, if they squeezed that is. Goku & Vegeta in the front, and the kids in the back. They all got in and Vegeta turned the key in the ignition.  
  
"Hold on."  
  
"Wha--" Goku began to ask him as they propelled forward at speeds unimaginable. Goku and the boys were pressed into the seets. But Vegeta had a look of utmost concentration on his face as he shifted on the Satan City phone book he was sitting on and leaned over the wheel.  
  
"Vegeta," Gohan shouted, "could you slow down just a little?"  
  
"What? I am going slow. _This_ is fast." Vegeta's foot pressed down harder on the accelerator (if possible) and they broke the sound barrier. They soon came to Satan City. Vegeta surprisingly was a very skillful driver as he dodged the other people easily. Suddenly he slammed on the brakes causing Goku and the kids jerk forward and hit their heads.  
  
"Why'd you stop... Oh." Vegeta had actually stopped to let an old lady cross the street. While they were waiting, they other four hurridly put on their seatbelts to avoid further injury. Soon Vegeta became inpatient and just surged forward, the old lady diving out of the way.  
  
"Now Vegeta, that wasn't very nice." Goku scolded.  
  
"It wasn's supposed to be." They soon came to the interstate and he got on. Goku and the kids gulped, this would be bad. The traffic was _very_ heavy since it was after 4 in the afternoon and everyone was getting home from work. Vegeta saw an openning in the middle lane and sped up again, cutting off an old man who was going to claim it. The old man flipped him off and the vein in Vegeta's head began to bulge.  
  
"Vegeta," Goku warned, "don't do anything stupid."  
  
"Oh I won't Kakarott." He took his left hand from the wheel and pointed it at the very old Ford pickup.  
  
"Don't do it Vegeta!"  
  
Vegeta snorted and pointed his hand at a 90 degree angle. " He should know better than to flip-off Vegeta! BIG--"  
  
"No Vegeta!"  
  
"BANG--"  
  
"Stop Vegeta!" Goku lunged for him.  
  
"ATTACK!" He fired and Goku fired a Kame Hame Ha to move it out of the way. Unfortunately since Goku was practically laying on Vegeta's lap and couldn't see, instead of murdering one man, they killed several more.  
  
"Oops." Goku said.  
  
Trunks and Goten unbuckled their seatbelts and climbed over Gohan's lap to see better. In addition to just blowing up three cars, there was a chain reaction and about ten were on fire. Vegeta snickered evily and Goku looked on, shocked. Surprisingly, during all Vegeta had kept on driving perfectly.  
  


* * *

A little later...

Goku had turned on the radio and they were all singing happily, even Vegeta, until a Mercedes cut Vegeta off and slammed on it's brakes. Vegeta had to swerve to avoid hitting the car and ended up against the guardrail on the left side. The Mercedes drove off like nothing happened.  
  
"Oh no you don't!" Vegeta levitated from the vehicle (the top was down).  
  
"Vegeta! Don't do it!" Vegete ignored him and started to fly top speed at the steel gray Mercedes. "Kuso!" Goku undid his seatbelt and went after him, the kids not too far behind.  
  
Vegeta reached the car in record time and reached into the down drivers side window and grabbed the man's neck. The car slowly came to a stop, as the mans foot slid off the accelerator. After throughly scaring the crap out of the driver, Vegeta let go and picked up his car...  
  
"Vegeta! Put that Mercedes down!" Goku yelled.  
  
"Make me!" Before Goku could stop him, Vegeta threw the car over the right side guardrail and watched it hit the ground. For good measure, he shot a beam at it, watching the spectacular explosion it made. The drivers luck must have been very bad because Vegeta just so happened to catch up to him on a bridge.  
  
The kids and Goku gaped in shock. Vegeta just calmly turned away and went back to his car with them following.  


* * *

The rest of the ride was pretty good, that is until a SUV decided to pull the same trick as the Mercedes...  
  
"VEGETA NO!!!"  
  


THE END

   [1]: http://members.xoom.com/Ani_Center/I25.html



	15. The Driving Arc (3): Vegeta, Death Drive...

Note: This little piece of fiction has a dual purpose (just wait and see at the end).

Warning: OOC Vegeta. Not a lot of violence though...

{ } = author notes (as usual)

* * *

**Vegeta: Death Driver 2  
****(The Sequel to 1** (took me long enough to write one) **and #14 in the Chronicles**[1]**)**

"Oh Vegeta honey!" Bulma called out sweetly. "Can you do me an itty bitty little favor?"

Vegeta, the short King of the former race of Saiyans, grunted as his video game playing was interrupted.

"Can you wait a minute, onna? I'm trying to beat Ultimecia[2]!" He made a little noise of happiness as he looked at the large television screen. "She has just junctioned herself to Greiver! I made it to the third stage!"

Bulma growled and marched up to the t.v.'s extension cord.

"NOOOO! Don't do it!" Vegeta cried as he dove for her. Smirking evilly, she pulled the main plug cutting power to both the t.v. and the Playstation.

"ONNA!!"

Bulma sat next to the slightly sobbing Veggie and patted his hand. "All that over a video game."

"It had taken me WEEKS of planning to get that far! I take this *_very_* seriously."

His mate just rolled her eyes and asked her question. "I need you to run to the store for me," she began.

"Why can't you do it yourself?"

"Because I told Juu-chan that I would babysit Marron for her while she went to the Health Spa with Krillin!"

"Fine," Veggie sighed. "I'll just walk to the corner store..."

"No."

"NO?!"

"You can't go there. I need a special ingredient for the food I'm making. You know that cooking class I've been taking?"

Vegeta smirked. "The brat and I thank you for it."

She hit him jokingly and continued. "Well, the final exam is later this week. I need to practice making Fettuchini Alfredo."

"You need a special ingredient for Fettuchini Alfredo?" He raised an eyebrow. "Even I know you don't."

"I want it to be wonderful!"

"Then do you want me to talk to Kami?" He continued at her quizzical expression. "Because for that, you're gonna need a miracle!"

***

"Stupid onna," Veggie muttered. "Making me go to the damn specialty store."

"Papa!" A cheerful voice called out.

"What is it brat?" Vegeta paused as he was starting to get into his convertable.

The two boys came running from around a corner of the house. "Can we go too?" he asked. Goten nodded hopefully.

Vegeta growled. "Why? Why do you want to go?"

"Because I promised Goten we would do something exciting today. Going places with you while you're driving is always fun!"

Sighing, Vegeta motioned to his vehicle. "C'mon, get in."

"YEA!" They both cheered.

"And shut up!"

They hopped over the passenger door and both settled themselves into the front seat, Goten by the door.

"Where are we going anyway, Vegeta-ojisan?" Goten asked.

"To the supermarket." He closed the door and stuck the key into the ignition and turned it.

{And to Melissa: Look! No phone book this time!}

"THE SUPERMARKET?!" they both exclaimed.

"What did Kaasan do? Threaten you with the couch again?" Trunks snickered. "And why are we driving? The store's just down the street."

"The woman thinks that she must have a special spice for food."

Trunks and Goten nodded knowingly. "Aa."

"Do we have to eat it?" Goten asked fearfully. "I think I might go home for dinner."

"Can I come too?" Trunks asked.

"Cut that out!" Reaching up to the visor, he pulled on his 'cool shades'. He had traded in the goggles for the designer sunglasses two months ago at Bulma's insistence. "If I suffer you brats do too."

Putting the gear into drive he took off, the speedometer instantly rising to 75.

"PAPA!" Trunks yelled above the rushing wind, or at least tried to. Vegeta moved one eye his way and raised an eyebrow. "Can I put in a cd?!"

His Tousan nodded slightly and then Trunks started to dig around in the glove compartment. Selecting one, he stuck it in. Pushing the button on the player several times it landed on a song that Vegeta hated with a vengeance.

[_Hi! My name is...   
What? My name is...  
Who? My name is...   
Slim Shady_]

"Oh *_hell_* no!" Vegeta shrieked as he pushed eject. "Why was the damn thing even in my car?!" He skillfully manuvered a slow semi and headed directly for the onramp to the interstate.

Trunks looked as innocent as was possible for him. "I dunno..."

Goten shot him a look. "I thought you said that you were leavin' in there to annoy Vegeta-ojisan." he whispered loudly.

Trunks elbowed him sharply. "Well thank you, Goten!" he said sarcastically.

The smaller boy grinned. "No problem!"

" *_I_* will pick some music," slowing to a stop at a red light, he leaned over the kids and started to look around.

3 minutes later he was still looking.

And now the long line of vehicles behind them were honking.

"SHUT UP AND GO AROUND!" he yelled over the seat. Finally after another minute and a half, he pulled his favorite soundtrack out and stuck the disc into the player. He selected song number 18 and got back behind the wheel. Trunks picked up the discarded case and whined.

"Not the Lion King again! I'm tired of..." he tried off as he saw the small pinpoint of ki on his tousan's finger. "Uh, nevermind."

Vegeta pressed his foot onto the gas and they were off again.

"I'M GONNA BE A MIGHTY KING, SO ENEMIES BEWARE.  
WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN A KING OF BEASTS WITH QUITE SO LITTLE HAIR..."

Vegeta did this all off-key and at the top of his large saiyan lungs. Trunks and Goten both covered their ears and pretended that they were somewhere else. Vegeta, in the meantime, had gotten on the freeway via the onramp, and was currently trying to get over into the far left lane.

"I'M GONNA BE THE MAIN EVENT, LIKE NO KING WAS BEFORE  
I'M BRUSHING UP ON LOOKING DOWN, I'M WORKING ON MY ROAR!!"

"Man Trunks," Goten said above the noise, "You Tousan must save his good voice for the shower!"

Vegeta glared briefly before he launched into the chorus.

"OH I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING!"

Goten shrugged and then joined in.

"NO ONE SAYING DO THIS! NO ONE SAYING BE THERE!  
NO ONE SAYING STOP THAT! NO ONE SAYING BE HERE!"

Trunks tried to sink lower into his seat while clutching at his ears but it didn't work out too well.

"FREE TO RUN AROUND ALL DAY! FREE TO DO IT ALL MY WAY!"

"Someone please kill me now!" Trunks moaned.

Vegeta pushed the accelerator to the floor and the speedometer quickly climbed to 100. They passed a redneck and his pickup truck, a minivan car pool, and a station wagon full of nuns who all made the sign of the cross at their passing. Trunks then got the idea that it was better to try and drown them out with his own voice instead of trying to ignore him. He immediately picked up on Zazu's part and joined in.

"I THINK IT'S TIME THAT YOU AND I ARRANGED A HEART TO HEART" he belted out.

"KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORNBILLS FOR A START!" Goten and Vegeta sang in unison.

"IF THIS IS WHERE THE MONARCHY IS HEADED, COUNT ME OUT! OUT OF SERVICE, OUT OF AFRICA, I WOULDN'T HANG ABOUT. THIS CHILD IS GETTING WILDLY OUT OF WING!"

"OH I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING!"

"One more time!" Vegeta said almost cheerfully.

"NO!!!!"

***

{Okay, now here is the "Death Driver" part}

"I can't believe we had to run all over that stupid store for that imported oregano!" Trunks grumbled. "What makes it different from the other stuff?"

"It's imported?" Goten asked.

Trunks hit him. "Baka, besides that."

"Maybe they use only the," here Veggie started to mimic some snooty lady, "leaves of highest quality. Grown on our worldclass oregano farm."

Trunks and Goten started to crack up. "Oregano farm?!" Trunks asked.

Vegeta shrugged as he pushed the button to unlock the doors and turn off his alarm on the little remote on his car keys. "They have farms for everything else. For something that cost me 25 American dollars it better cure Cancer or something."

He started the car and they drove off back to Satan City from Tokyo. As they waiting for the light to change a very familiar person pulled up in a green car beside them.

Vegeta glanced over to the right and raised an eyebrow. "Well, well. Look what we have here. I didn't think they allowed morons to get licenses!"

The drivers side window slid down and Yamcha glared out. "I didn't know that they gave 'em to apes either."

Vegeta's eyes narrowed but his smirk only got wider. "You wanna prove who's the better man?"

Goten and Trunks looked back and forth between the two eagerly.

"Why not? I've got time to kill." A slow smirk made its way across Yamcha's scarred visage.

"Trunks, my cruisin' music."

Trunks rooted around in the glove compartment and pulled out a cd. Soon the first sounds of Jermaine Dupri and Jay-Z's "Money Ain't a Thing"[3] pounded out of the stereo.

"Why Vegeta!" Yamcha said not quite sarcastically. "You never struck me as a rap fan!"

Vegeta just shrugged, put his shades on, and gunned the engine. As soon as the light turned green, they both took off down the road, turning onto the closest backroad that they could find.

[_In the Ferrari, a Jaguar, switchin' four lanes  
With the top down screaming out  
Money ain't a thang_] [4]

Goten grabbed onto the edge of the window and leaned his head out like dog, hair being whipped out by the force of the wind. Trunks climbed over the seat and proceeded to do the same thing. The human gritted his teeth in concentration and continued on. He knew that they finish line would be the Satan City limit.

Soon Vegeta grinned meancingly and turned the steering wheel sharply to the right. He hit Yamcha's car, almost knocking him off the road.

"Tousan! What are you doing?!" Trunks shouted out.

"WINNING!"

Vegeta hit a button on the dash and the center of the steering wheel slid away, displaying several buttons like those on Speed Racer's car, the Mock Five. He pressed one labeled "S" and *_extremely_* sharp spikes ejected themselves from hidden compartments on the sides of his vehicle.

"Mwhahahaha!"

"Wow!" Goten shouted, amazed, your car is like the Batmobile!"

"You ain't see nothing yet!" Eyes glinting evily, he swerved and collided with the now frightened Yamcha.

"Tousan! Are you trying to kill him?" Trunks asked.

"Maybe."

"SUGOI!"

Speed rising to 120, they zoomed by the Satan City limit sign. Yamcha tried to signal Vegeta to stop but the saiyan would not let up. As Yamcha's life began to flash in his eyes, a helicopter flew over their heads. The cop on the loudspeaker was shouted something to Vegeta.

"YOU IN THE BLACK CONVERTABLE! HALT YOUR VEHICLE AND STEP OUT OF THE CAR!" When Vegeta didn't comply, he repeated it again thinking the he didn't hear him. "I SAID STEP OUT OF THE CAR!!"

Pressing the button labeled "L" on the control panel, some panels on the hood of his car slid away and up rose laser machine guns. Yamcha had already disappeared some time ago while Veggie was distracted so he was not harmed when the short saiyan opened fire.

Several large explosions ignited all over the machinery as small fires sprung into existence. Vegeta slammed on the breaks just in time to narrowly miss having something that big flatten him, the kids, and the car as it crashed to the concrete and burst into a huge ball of flame.

Trunks vaulted over the door and ran as close to the fire as he dared. "SUGOI!!!"

"And that brats," Vegeta started, "is how you handle Five-O."

* * *

Now for my footnotes!

[1] = The Vegeta Humiliation Chronicles on my site. It's where I put all of my Veggie-humor stories under one thing.

[2] = It took me practically forever to beat Ultimecia! But the weird thing was, GF defense wasn't really gone until the "true Ultimecia" came around.

[3] = This song was the only one that I could think of that would have been good to drive to. ::shrugs:: I just love rap.

[4] = The first part of the chorus is the only part that really applies to that situation.

~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*

Now for my self-promotions (and small fic notes)!

(Oh yeah, by the way. I just wanted to say this but I didn't want to waste space. But the good thing was, I wanted to write another fic to the VHC anyway.)

1. You should know by now that I've gotten my domain and the space and everything. (I didn't really get enough... but that's not the point.) I think that the Fanfic Realm is way better now because those freaky xoom bars and no "can not connect" errors are non-existent. I can only add fics (some art is okay) until I resolve the issue of more space....

2. I've got a *_really_* large DBZ fic in progress right now so more parts to my other stuff will be sort of sparse. I hope to finish it up by next week at the latest. The only thing I'm giving out to this one is that it's to make up for "The Recipe for Destruction". I'll even get this one beta read.

3. To all the people for my DL/DBZ crossover: I know chapter 4 was sort of disappointing but I really needed to stop there. The other part will be longer to make up for it.


End file.
